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December 12, 2001 - December 18, 2001 | Issue 37•45

Area Man Proud Of Liner Notes To Self-Burned Compilation CD

CHICAGO—Josh McCue, 26, expressed deep pride Monday in the liner notes he penned for his latest self-burned compilation CD. "I really wanted the liner notes to capture something about the songs and help put them in their proper context," said McCue, a clerk at Lincoln Park Liquor. "I think I've accomplished that." The 22-track CD, titled Opium Of The...

Starving, Bandaged Bin Laden Offers U.S. One Last Chance To Surrender

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News

TORA BORA, AFGHANISTAN—An emaciated and heavily bandaged Osama bin Laden offered the U.S. a final chance to surrender Monday. more»
All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News

GADSDEN, AL—The seven deadly sins—avarice, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, pride, and wrath—were all committed Sunday during the twice-annual bake... more»
Crazy Japanese Punk Girl Delights Entire Dorm Floor

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News

MOORHEAD, MN—Foreign student Misako Takashima has fostered floor-wide frienship by putting on impromptu puppet shows. more»
Michael Jackson Deposed As King Of Pop In Hitless Coup

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES— After a two-decade reign as King Of Pop, Michael Jackson was overthrown Tuesday in a hitless coup. "Following the lackluster... more»
Area Woman Insists On Helping Coworker Through Personal Crisis

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Brief

EL PASO, TX— At a time when she would rather be left alone, recent divorcee Denise Jacoby, 42, is finding herself besieged by unsolicited offers of... more»
Yalie Strikes Harvard Lad Sharply About The Face And Neck

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Brief

NEW HAVEN, CT— A heated dispute over the relative merits of Harvard and Yale erupted into fisticuffs Monday, when Yalie William Vanderploeg, 20,... more»
Laid-Off Website Designer Designs Website About Being Laid Off

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Brief

REDWOOD CITY, CA— Bob Trabert, 26, a web designer laid off from Cybercepts last month, has channeled his energies into the creation of... more»
Nuclear-Bomb Instructions Found In Pentagon

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Brief

ARLINGTON, VA— In an alarming development, plans for a thermonuclear device were found Monday in a Pentagon desk drawer. "These guys were... more»
401K Enrollment Form Sits At Bottom Of Desk Drawer For 22 Years

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Photos

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Camera Falls Out Of Love With Melanie Griffith

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | News In Photos
Honey, I Said Some Things I Didn't Mean To Say Out Loud

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | Commentary

Darling, I know you're upset, and you have every right to be. I don't think we've ever gotten into a fight like that before. But I just want you to... more»
Winterized!

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. Everything cool? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have kinda gotten out of control on Anchower Lane. (That... more»
Horoscope for the week of December 12, 2001

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | Horoscopes

Give a starving man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to cook a fish, though, and he'll starve to death with a clearer picture of what... more»
The Segway

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | Infographic

Unveiled last week, the Segway Human Transporter is being touted as the future of human transportation. What are some of the much-hyped electrical... more»
Least Anticipated Sequels

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | Statshot
More Mideast Violence

issue 3745 | 12.12.01 | What Do You Think?

Last week, Hamas suicide bombers killed 25 in Jerusalem and Haifa, and Israel retaliated with air strikes. What do you think about the latest... more»