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March 6, 2002 - March 12, 2002 | Issue 38•08

Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has Gay Cult Following

LAKEWOOD, CO—Gene Podrewski, a Denver-area optometrist and father of two, expressed befuddlement Monday over his status as a gay camp icon. "I'm not exactly sure why I have this huge gay following," Podrewski said. "I'm a likable enough guy, but I've never been particularly glamorous or charismatic. I'm not in showbiz, and I don't act or sing. But, for some reason,...

Bush Calls On Business Leaders To Create 500,000 Shitty Jobs By 2003

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Bush challenged industry leaders to create new jobs, be it a toilet-cleaning post at an airport or a fry-cook position at KFC. more»
McDonald's Drops 'Hammurderer' Character From Advertising

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News

OAK BROOK, IL—McDonald's announced it is discontinuing its new mascot, a homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches. more»
Area Man Perpetually In Process Of Buying Or Selling Car

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News

MARION, IL—Local resident Don Liman’s search for the ideal car is entering its 13th year. more»
Paleontology Class Winces Whenever Fundamentalist Kid Raises Hand

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Brief

STATE COLLEGE, PA— The 24 other students in a Penn State Paleontology 101 discussion section wince with dread whenever fundamentalist Christian... more»
Area Man Plays 'Imagine' Every Time He Sees A Piano

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Brief

SALEM, OR— Friends of Bill Moreland expressed irritation Monday over the 29-year-old's habit of playing John Lennon's "Imagine" whenever a piano is... more»
Dog Chastised For Acting Like Dog

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Brief

SACRAMENTO, CA— Obeying the instincts bred into him by millions of years of evolution, Shiner, a 2-year-old golden retriever, incurred his owner's... more»
U.N. Tribunal Swayed By Thousands Of Children's Letters To Milosevic

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Brief

THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS— Members of the U.N. war-crimes tribunal were swayed in favor of former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic Monday, when... more»
Book-Club Meeting Degenerates Into Discussion Of Oscars

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Brief

MINOT, ND— A weekly meeting of the Minot Public Library's "Book Buddies" club degenerated into a discussion of the upcoming Academy Awards Tuesday.... more»
Pope Asks To Be Taken Off List Of World's 100 Richest People

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Photos
Shopper Takes Bizarre Journey Beyond Bed, Bath

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | News In Photos
Are You Coming To My Show Tonight?

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | Commentary

Hey, man, what are you up to tonight? You should totally come to my show at The Shack. We're on a triple bill with Meat Hammer and The Subpoenaed. more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: Youth Is Wasted On The Young vs. Medication Is Wasted On The Old

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | Point-Counterpoint

They say hindsight is 20/20 and, boy, are they right. Young people fritter away the gifts of youth, wasting their time on silly video games and... more»
Horoscope for the week of March 6, 2002

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | Horoscopes

Everyone will talk about your bold decision to wear such a revealing swimsuit, especially so soon after the accident. more»
Bono To The Rescue

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | Infographic

Called "rock's conscience," U2 frontman and political crusader has met with everyone from Kofi Annan to Colin Powell. What has he been doing recently? more»
Least-Appropriate Baby-Shower Games

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | Statshot
The Saudi Peace Plan

issue 3808 | 03.06.02 | What Do You Think?

A Middle East peace plan from Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah has generated hope among both Palestinians and Israelis. What do you think? more»