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April 24, 2002 - April 30, 2002 | Issue 38•15

80 Percent Of Small-Town Newspaper Written By Jerry Schoepke

CRESTLINE, OH—Covering beats as diverse as Crestline city government, Crestline High School football, and Crestline births and deaths, Crestline Gazette reporter Jerry Schoepke writes an estimated 80 percent of the weekly community newspaper. "I'd say Jerry is writing about four-fifths of what goes in these days," Gazette editor-in-chief Ralph Dilger...

Mideast Peace Process Derailed, Burned To Ground, Shoveled Over With Dirt

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News

JERUSALEM—The Mideast peace process was once again derailed Monday, when U.S.-brokered talks between Israeli and Palestinian leaders careened off... more»
Magic-Store Employee Not The Same Since Losing Virginity

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News

ANAHEIM, CA—Scottie Reuss, 22, a longtime employee of Merlin's Magicland, has not been as interested in magic or customer service as he was before... more»
Community Rallies Behind Struggling Corporation

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News

SUMMITVILLE, IN—A local sermon encouraged his congregation to keep CEC MidCorp and its shareholders in their thoughts and prayers. more»
Man Turns Vegetarian For 36 Hours

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Brief

WAUSAU, WI— Local resident Alvin Wanamaker swore off all meat products for 36 hours, from Friday morning to late Saturday afternoon. "I was... more»
Former Big Celebrity Finds New Career As Pathetic Former Celebrity

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD, CA— Eighteen years after his fame peaked with The Karate Kid, former big celebrity Ralph Macchio has discovered a new, lucrative... more»
South Dakota Considering Maybe Putting Mount Rushmore On State Quarter

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Brief

PIERRE, SD— South Dakota is thinking about maybe putting Mount Rushmore on its upcoming state coin, sources reported Monday. "I forget who came up... more»
Opium-Inspired Ad Executive Composes Epic Tums Jingle

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Brief

CHICAGO— An eight-hour opium binge resulted in a towering work of advertising Sunday, when DDB Needham copywriter Brian Lisi gave birth to an epic... more»
Fashion Industry Pretends To Care About Plus-Size Models

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Brief

NEW YORK— In a pretend show of support for larger women, the May issue of Vogue features a 16-page spread focusing on plus-size models.... more»
Newspapers Piling Up On Dead Homeowner's Doorstep

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Photos
Andrew W.K. Adopts Staunch Party-Advocacy Position

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | News In Photos
Why Do Porn Actors Have To Use Such Foul Language?

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | Commentary

Like many people, I enjoy pornographic movies. But I've got a major bone to pick with the actors. It's gotten to the point where you can't watch a... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: According To The Economist, NASA Is An Industrial Subsidy In Disguise vs. Oooh, Look At Me, I Read The Economist!

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | Point-Counterpoint

I grew up with the romantic notion that NASA is not merely a government agency, but an organization dedicated to bravely propelling the human race... more»
Horoscope for the week of April 24, 2002

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | Horoscopes

You foolishly disregard the old saying about buying pigs in pokes, explaining that the pokes were cunningly disguised as blankets. more»
The Osbournes

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | Infographic

The Osbournes, the MTV reality show chronicling the lives of Ozzy Osbourne and his familiy, is a surprise hit. more»
Top-Rated Programs On The Food Network

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | Statshot
Cardinal Law Under Fire

issue 3815 | 04.24.02 | What Do You Think?

Boston's Cardinal Law has been ordered to appear for a deposition to answer questions about his protection of a priest accused of sexual abuse. What... more»