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May 29, 2002 - June 4, 2002 | Issue 38•20

Man Blames Hangover On Everything But How Much He Drank

BETHEL PARK, PA—Speaking slowly and moving stiffly Tuesday, Pittsburgh-area resident Matt Van Duyne attributed his hangover to everything but the excessive amount of alcohol he'd consumed the previous night. "One big problem was the empty stomach," said Van Duyne, holding his head and taking deep breaths. "I really should know by now to make sure to eat a piece of...

Congress Threatens To Leave D.C. Unless New Capitol Is Built

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Calling the current Capitol obsolete, Congress said it will relocate unless they get a new, state-of-the-art facility. more»
Sexual Tension Between Arafat, Sharon Reaches Breaking Point

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News

JERUSALEM—The tension between Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat culminated in a steamy, passionate kiss. more»
Nerd's Parents Afraid Son Will Fall In With Popular Crowd

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News

MUNDELEIN, IL—Lawrence and Marcia Sprouse expressed concern Monday that their 15-year-old son Adam, after years of being a social outcast, is in... more»
83-Year-Old Sneaks Into 65-To-80 Singles Dance

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Brief

APPLETON, WI—Claude Winters, 83, falsified his age Saturday to gain admission to a dance for singles aged 65 to 80 at the Appleton VFW. "The girls... more»
Worst Person Woman Knows Pregnant

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Brief

JASPER, AL—Karen Brundage was chilled to learn Monday that Cora Damrush, the "single most selfish, ignorant, emotionally crippled person" she... more»
CNN Graphic Designer Asked To Combine Dollar Sign, Syringe, Fighter Jets, Panda

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Brief

ATLANTA—Christine Kannberg, a CNN Headline News graphic designer, expressed befuddlement Monday when asked to create a story logo incorporating a... more»
Overweight Man Receives 'Lose Weight Fast' Spam E-Mail Featuring His Picture

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Brief

HOUSTON—Jim Funderburke, a 240-pound accountant, was surprised to find a photo of himself in a spam e-mail for a weight-loss product Monday.... more»
Boss Alludes To 'Crunch Time'

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Brief

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Seeking to motivate his employees for a fast-approaching deadline, DCG Printing departmental manager Bryce Gillian referred to... more»
Field-Trip Mishap Fulfills Child's Wish To Be Oscar Mayer Wiener

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Photos
Ross Ice Shelf Embarks On World Tour

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | News In Photos
Look Out, Corporate America, Here Comes My Pirate Radio Station

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | Commentary

If, like me, you're among the thinking few, you're pretty disgusted with what passes for radio these days. Turn anywhere on your FM dial, and you're... more»
Help! Sandal Season Is Here, And My Feet Are A Mess vs. Help! I'm Trapped In A Burning Bus

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | Point-Counterpoint

Help! Sandal season is here, and my feet are a complete mess! I've got rough heels, ugly calluses, and ragged cuticles. Winter weather really did... more»
Horoscope for the week of May 29, 2002

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | Horoscopes

Your prayers have finally been answered. Unfortunately, they're your prayers from 20 years ago. Start looking for a place to put all the ponies. more»
Cannes 2002

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | Infographic

After 12 days of screening and parties, the 2002 Cannes Film Festival wrapped up Sunday. more»
What Posters Are We Taking Down?

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | Statshot
Suicide Bombings In The U.S.?

issue 3820 | 05.29.02 | What Do You Think?

According to intelligence officials, al-Qaeda or another terrorist group may one day attempt to carry out a suicide bombing on U.S. soil. What do... more»