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October 9, 2002 - October 15, 2002 | Issue 38•37

Man Looks Forward To Coffee Date With Ex-Girlfriend All Week

PORTLAND, ME—Derek Friese, 30, has been looking forward to a Friday coffee date with ex-girlfriend Kelly Lessing all week, sources reported Monday. "It sure will be nice to see Kelly again," said Friese, whose three-year relationship with Lessing ended Aug. 6. "She said she doesn't have a whole lot of time, but I'm just glad we're getting together to check...

Starving Third World Masses Warned Against Evils Of Contraception

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News

SÃO PAULO, BRAZIL—During a visit to the teeming slums of São Paulo Monday, Cardinal Anthony Bevilacqua warned the city's starving masses against... more»
Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News

PENSACOLA, FL—Calling his flamboyant air and effeminate mannerisms "a bit forced," friends of recently out-of-the-closet homosexual Mark Glynn, 23,... more»
Gambling-Addiction Study Gets Out Of Hand

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News

LAS VEGAS, NV—A gambling-addiction study by researchers at UNLV's Gaming Studies Research Center has "gotten way out of hand," sources close to the... more»
New-Versus-Old Electric-Slide Confusion Blamed In Wedding-Reception Pileup

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Brief

MALDEN, MA—Twelve wedding guests were critically injured Saturday night in a dance-floor pileup blamed on new-versus-old Electric Slide confusion.... more»
Defense Department Typo Results In U.S. Attack On Ira

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Brief

ARLINGTON, VA—The U.S. Defense Department apologized to Skokie, IL, dentist Ira Nussbaum Tuesday following a bombing campaign aimed at removing the... more»
Captain's Hat Really Completes Street Lunatic's Ensemble

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Brief

CHICAGO—A tattered U.S. Navy Captain's hat taken from a Salvation Army Dumpster adds the perfect finishing touch to street lunatic Corner Carl's... more»
Affable Anti-Semite Thinks The Jews Are Doing Super Job With The Media

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Brief

PLANO, TX—Henry McCullers, an affable Plano-area anti-Semite, praised the Jewish people Monday for doing "a bang-up job" running the media. "This... more»
American People Shrug, Line Up For Fingerprinting

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Assuming that there must be a good reason for the order, U.S. citizens lined up at elementary schools and community centers across... more»
Frank Gehry No Longer Allowed To Make Sandwiches For Grandkids

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Photos
Horatio Sanz Sweeps Latin Emmys

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | News In Photos
Take Advantage Of Our Two-For-One Scott Tissue Special, For One Day We Will Die

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | Commentary

Attention, Food King shoppers: Now in Aisle Four, take advantage of our two-for-one special on all Scott Tissue and Scott Towel products. Purchase up... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: You Know, There Are Some Excellent Red Wines Coming Out Of Argentina vs. I Hate You, I Hate You, I Hate You

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | Point-Counterpoint

So, what do you think of the wine? To be honest, I thought it was a little meek. Passable, but meek. Did you happen to catch what kind it was?... more»
Horoscope for the week of October 9, 2002

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | Horoscopes

Thursday will usher in a new era of love and prosperity for Aries, which is only fair considering what happens Friday. more»
Snoop Dogg Goes Clean

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | Infographic

After years of heavy smoking, rapper Snoop Dogg recently announced that he is giving up marijuana. What has the rapper been up to since quitting? more»
Top-Selling Executive Gifts

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | Statshot
The Preemptive-Strike Debate

issue 3837 | 10.09.02 | What Do You Think?

President Bush's standoff with Iraq has prompted debate over whether preemptive strikes are a justifiable U.S. military option. What do you... more»