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December 11, 2002 - December 17, 2002 | Issue 38•46

God Late For Local Wedding

CARTHAGE, MO—An embarrassed God admitted Monday that He was late for the Saturday wedding of Patrick Moore and Dina Roble, arriving halfway through the ceremony but catching "most of the important stuff." "It was one heck of a day," God said. "Yes, I can be all places at once, but it's just so hard to keep it all straight sometimes. It's been crazy all month, and this...

Mall Of Central America Looted On Opening Day

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News

TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS—The new Mall of Central America was ransacked Monday in a smash-and-grab frenzy. more»
Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News

LYNDONVILLE, VT—Afflicted from birth with a rare degenerative disease, wheelchair-bound Luke Petrowski has confronted his illness by penning... more»
Area Mom Could Have Made Same Meal At Home For Much Cheaper

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News

NAPERVILLE, IL—During an outing to Chisholm's Family Restaurant Monday, Sandy Wiersma, 43, repeatedly told her family that she could have made the... more»
Area Man Lives To Correct Pronunciation

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

LAWRENCE, KS—According to irritated friends and acquaintances, Jim Marder, 43, lives to correct pronunciation. "Actually, the word is... more»
Country Music Protested In Restaurant's Kitchen

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

KALAMAZOO. MI—A coalition of dishwashers at the Pfaff Avenue Country Kitchen filed an official protest Tuesday against the grill crew's playing of... more»
Defiant Customers Refuse To Return Recalled Crib

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

RESTON, VA—More than 4,000 purchasers of the Babco KidSleeper crib, recalled last week amid safety concerns, are defiantly refusing to return the... more»
Miss Nude America Loses Title After Appearing Clothed In Woman's Day

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

OCALA, FL—Tawny Bridges, Miss Nude America 2003, was forced to relinquish her crown amid scandal Monday, when it was discovered that she had... more»
Conjoined Twin Hogging Kidney

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Bruce Andrusko, 27, complained loudly Monday about his conjoined twin Bryce's habit of hogging the brothers' middle kidney. "He... more»
Zagat Editor A 'Nice Guy' But 'Kind Of Boring'

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Chris Dantley, editor of the Zagat restaurant guide for New York, received mixed reviews Monday from women who have dated him.... more»
Bush Gives France 30 Days To Speak English

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Photos
Crocodile Hunter The Same Way In Bed

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | News In Photos
I Didn't Mean To Lead You On By Fucking You

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | Commentary

Hey, Lisa. Yes, I did get your phone messages, and I am so sorry I didn't get back to you right away. I'm glad you agreed to meet me for coffee,... more»
Oh My God, I Am So Totally Not A Fully Developed Person

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | Commentary

Oh my God. You know what? I totally have to say something. Seriously, guys, you have to listen—this is way important. Kim? Erica? Amy? Are you... more»
Horoscope for the week of December 11, 2002

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | Horoscopes

This holiday season is, as always, a time of terrible stress for you and the rest of the well-formed, eight-foot-tall pine trees. more»
Strom Turns 100

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | Infographic

On Dec. 5, U.S. Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-SC) turned 100. How did he celebrate the milestone? more»
Least-Responsible Birth-Control Methods

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | Statshot
Chapter 11 For Boston Archdiocese?

issue 3846 | 12.11.02 | What Do You Think?

Already reeling from sex-abuse charges, the Boston Archdiocese is now considering filing for bankruptcy. What do you think? more»

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

God Late For Local Wedding

Mall Of Central America Looted On Opening Day

Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad

Area Mom Could Have Made Same Meal At Home For Much Cheaper

Area Man Lives To Correct Pronunciation

Country Music Protested In Restaurant's Kitchen

Defiant Customers Refuse To Return Recalled Crib

Miss Nude America Loses Title After Appearing Clothed In Woman's Day

Conjoined Twin Hogging Kidney

Zagat Editor A 'Nice Guy' But 'Kind Of Boring'

Bush Gives France 30 Days To Speak English

Crocodile Hunter The Same Way In Bed

I Didn't Mean To Lead You On By Fucking You

Oh My God, I Am So Totally Not A Fully Developed Person

Horoscope for the week of December 11, 2002

Strom Turns 100

Least-Responsible Birth-Control Methods

Chapter 11 For Boston Archdiocese?

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