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October 29, 2003 - November 4, 2003 | Issue 39•42

Lawyer Friend Makes Strong Case For Nachos

HARTFORD, CT—During a night out for dinner and drinks at Shooters Bar And Restaurant, probate attorney Michael Bradshaw built a strong case in re ordering nachos, Bradshaw's friends reported Tuesday. ..

Pope John Paul II: 25 Years Of Laughs

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News

VATICAN CITY—As Pope John Paul II enters his 26th year as pontiff, the world is stopping to reflect on the legendary funnyman's career as one of... more»
'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to recent criticism of reconstruction efforts in Iraq, the U.S. Defensive Department released a statement to the... more»
Ridiculous Small-Business Plan Encouraged By Friends

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News

MISSOULA, MT—Due in large part to the encouragement of her so-called friends, 34-year-old Karen Sabin quit her steady job to make and sell... more»
Nursing-Home Residents Mate In Captivity

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Brief

COLBY, KS—Following six months of failed attempts under intense observation by geriatric scientists, Briarwood Nursing Home residents Horace Klass,... more»
Area Man Wins Conversation

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Brief

KING MILLS, OH—A friendly chat about the weather resulted in victory for Daniel Cooper Wednesday, as a brilliant and well-timed rebuttal from the... more»
Katie Couric Winces At Word 'Vagina'

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Today host Katie Couric noticeably winced at mention of the word "vagina" during an interview with National Ovarian Cancer... more»
More Than $30 Worth Of Burned CDs Stolen From Residence

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Brief

ALBUQUERQUE—Police are still not investigating a burglary at the Watson Avenue apartment of George Kinney, who reported the theft of more than 300... more»
U.S. Upset After Aliens Land In Italy

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—White House press secretary Scott McClellan issued a statement Monday expressing disappointment "on behalf of all Americans" that... more»
New Excedrin 'Lights Out' Kills You Dead On The Spot

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Photos
Moral Compass Lost In Woods

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | News In Photos
I Would Treat The Girl From The Muffler Commercial Right

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | Commentary

Oh my God, it's on again. There's the girl I've been telling you about—the one I always see on television. Quiet! This is my favorite part. Just... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: Pete's An Asshole vs. Aw, C'mon, Pete's An All-Right Guy

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | Point-Counterpoint

Look, man, I know that he's your friend and all, and I guess you've known him for a long time, so I hope you don't get too pissed off at me about... more»
Horoscope for the week of October 29, 2003

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | Horoscopes

Unfortunately, the depressed economy and reduced demand for the service will force you to once again scale back the price of your mustache rides. more»
Tuition Hikes

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | Infographic

The average cost of tuition at the nation's colleges has jumped 40 percent in the past 10 years. How are students coping? more»
Oh Shit, What Did We Just Tape Over?

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | Statshot
Sniper Suspect Rehires Lawyers

issue 3942 | 10.29.03 | What Do You Think?

Sniper suspect John Allen Muhammad stopped acting as his own attorney last week and rehired his lawyers. What do you think? more»