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November 12, 2003 - November 18, 2003 | Issue 39•44

Mom Finds Out About Blog

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a turn of events the 30-year-old characterized as "horrifying," Kevin Widmar announced Tuesday that his mother Lillian has discovered his weblog. "Apparently, Mom typed [Widmar's employer] D...

Congress Raises Executive Minimum Wage To $565.15/Hr

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Congress approved a bill to increase the executive minimum wage from $515.15 to $565.15 an hour, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay... more»
Search For Missing Child Drags On To Fourth Boring Day

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News

PICKETT, TN—Members of the search party looking for little Allison Means have never been so bored in their lives. more»
Woman Mentally Breaks Up With Colin Farrell

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News

MERCER, PA—Heather Lentz's 11-month imaginary romance with bad-boy heartthrob Colin Farrell has ended, the 25-year-old paralegal announced... more»
Al Kozlewski Pulls A Kozlewski

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Brief

CUDAHY, WI—Assembled after work at Gil's Tavern, friends of Al Kozlewski agreed Tuesday that the 39-year-old steamfitter had pulled yet another... more»
Woman Judges Cities Solely By Their Airports

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Brief

SAN MARCOS, CA—Just back from a business trip to the Midwest, Sonic Drive-In managerial trainer Joan Rupert expressed distaste for yet another... more»
MTV Executive Grounds Son For Recommending Good Charlotte

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—MTV executive Phillip Blanchard, 42, grounded his 15-year-old son Joshua Monday, after the alternative-rock band Good Charlotte failed to... more»
Ad Campaign For New $20 Bill A Success

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Department of the Treasury deemed the new multicolored $20 bill a raging success Monday, thanks to its $30 million... more»
Man Always Three Ingredients Away From Making Pancakes

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Brief

BOISE, ID—In spite of the numerous times he's craved pancakes during the past year, Mike Herrin, 26, always finds himself three ingredients shy of... more»
Flash-Animated Osama Bin Laden Captured

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Photos
Right-To-Kill Advocate Opposes Right-To-Die Measure

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | News In Photos
I Think I'll Drive The Kids Up To The State Park To See This 'Glory Hole'

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | Commentary

I try to be a good dad, but even so, I've been noticing this family drifting apart. We don't talk as much at the dinner table. We don't spend Sunday... more»
I've Received Some Unpleasant Information Regarding My Estranged Half-Brother's Involvement In The Barcelona Debacle

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | Columnists

Good evening, gentlemen. Mei Ling. Or should I say good morning? I'm afraid the last few hours here at the Department For Special Acquisitions And... more»
Horoscope for the week of November 12, 2003

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | Horoscopes

You swore that your love would last until the seas ran dry, the mountains crumbled, and the sun grew cold, so you'll be single again as of Thursday. more»
The Reagans

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | Infographic

In the face of political pressure, CBS removed the miniseries The Reagans from its schedule. What controversial scenes does the program... more»
Where Are We Getting Our Vitamins And Minerals?

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | Statshot
The Anti-Abortion Campaign

issue 3944 | 11.12.03 | What Do You Think?

Bush's signing of the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act was a political triumph for the movement to curtail abortions in the U.S. What do you... more»