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February 11, 2004 - February 17, 2004 | Issue 40•06

Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid

WEST POINT, NY—According to an official statement released by the U.S. Military Academy Tuesday, six cadets are dead and 14 wounded after an unsuccessful panty raid on the women's barracks Monday night. ..

Saddam Hussein Rules Over Cell With Iron Fist

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | News

BAGHDAD—Officials overseeing Saddam Hussein told reporters Monday that the detained former Iraqi leader rules over his cell "with an iron fist." more»
Report: 'Sorry' No Longer Cutting It

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | News

PHILADELPHIA—According to a report released by a privately funded think tank Monday, "sorry" just isn't cutting it anymore. more»
Some Dork Brought In To Address Civics Class

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | News

GILLETTE, WY—Some dork from city hall or the mayor’s office or something addressed Westwood High’s fifth-period civics class. more»
That Guy From That One Show In Rehab

issue 4006 | 02.12.04 | News In Brief

GLENDALE, CA—According to nurses at the Rosewater Rehabilitation Clinic, that guy who used to play the fat guy on that one show was admitted... more»
Household Death Toll Climbs To One

issue 4006 | 02.12.04 | News In Brief

NEW HAVEN, CT—Police announced Monday that the accidental death of 68-year-old Joseph Lang increased the death toll at 320 E. Oak St. to a... more»
New Co-Op Airline Offers Cheaper Fares If You Help Fly The Plane

issue 4006 | 02.12.04 | News In Brief

SAN FRANCISCO—GreenWay Airlines, a new low-cost, cooperative airline, offers inexpensive fares to passengers who assist with the flight, an... more»
Majority Of Americans Thought We Already Had A Moon Base

issue 4006 | 02.12.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—A NASA poll conducted to gauge support for President Bush's space-exploration initiative revealed that a depressing 57 percent of... more»
Radicals, Extremists Vie For Control Of Iran

issue 4006 | 02.12.04 | News In Brief

TEHRAN—As the Feb. 20 parliamentary election approaches, hard-line conservative religious radicals and fundamentalist Islamic extremists are... more»
Prosthetic Arm Stuck In Vending Machine

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | News In Photos
Stouffer's Discontinues Toaster Steaks

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | News In Photos
I Want To Fly A Helicopter, Not Look At A Bunch Of Crazy Dials

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | Commentary

Okay, so since time began, man has dreamed of flight, right? I know I have. I've always wanted to swoop between the mountains and hang suspended high... more»
Cheer Up, All You Loveless Singles!

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | Columnists

I don't know if there's something in the water, but my town has exploded with tons of single people! Just last year, practically the only eligibles I... more»
Horoscope for the week of February 11, 2004

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | Horoscopes

Everything has to start somewhere. In spite of what you claim happened, the enraged bull elephant couldn't have just "come out of nowhere." more»
Under FCC Investigation

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | Infographic

Following Janet Jackson's Super Bowl halftime stunt, the FCC has vowed to take a more aggressive stand against indecency. What other recent broadcast... more»
What's In Uncle Kevin's Bathroom Cabinet?

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | Statshot
Gay Marriage

issue 4006 | 02.11.04 | What Do You Think?

Last week, the Massachusetts high court sanctioned same-sex marriages in that state. What do you think? more»