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February 25, 2004 - March 2, 2004 | Issue 40•08

Pregnant Woman Acting Like No One Ever Got Pregnant Before

HUNTSVILLE, AL—In the seven months since she got herself knocked up, graphic designer Amy Glennon, 27, has been walking around the Calendarz, Inc. office acting like the Queen of Sheba just...

Bush To Cut Deficit From Federal Budget

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush proposed a $2.4 trillion election-year budget Monday that would boost defense spending, redistribute funds among... more»
Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News

BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all... more»
Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News

LOS ANGELES—Despite occupying opposing roles in a good-cop/bad-cop dyad, LAPD officers Frank K. McGrew, 51, and Bob West, 36, have one thing in... more»
ExxonMobil Swears It's Going To Start Taxes Early This Year

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Brief

IRVING, TX—Hoping to avoid the "scraping and scrambling" it does every year, the ExxonMobil Corporation announced Tuesday that it has made a... more»
4-Year-Old Reportedly Loved Trip To Italy

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Brief

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—According to his mother, 4-year-old Justin Finley "absolutely loved" a recent family trip to Italy. "He adored the fountains... more»
Transformer Refuses To Change Back Into Volkswagen

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Brief

CYBERTRON—Following an intense battle with Megatron and his evil Decepticons Monday, former robot-in-disguise Bumblebee refused to revert to his... more»
Man Kinda Excited For Internal Camera Procedure

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Brief

FREDERICK, MD—Two days before his scheduled colonoscopy, Barry Feldman, 47, told his wife Joyce he was "kinda excited" by the idea of a camera... more»
Thai Premier Eats Entire Bucket Of Chicken To Calm Bird-Flu Fears

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Brief

BANGKOK—To allay concerns about the safety of Thai poultry following an outbreak of the H5N1 bird virus, Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra... more»
Dean Mentions He'd Make A Great Secretary Of Health And Human Services

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Photos
School Flies Deceased Nerd's Underpants At Half-Mast

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | News In Photos
If Al-Qaeda Had A Hockey Team, We'd Kick Its Ass!

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | Commentary

All right, so al-Qaeda is still giving us a little bit of trouble. We haven't found bin Laden yet, and I guess there're still these little cells of... more»
Going Out Is Too Much Hassle

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. What's going on? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been out of my head lately. I've put on about 15 pounds... more»
Horoscope for the week of February 25, 2004

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | Horoscopes

God will offer a heartfelt apology to the human race for His insensitivity after creating you, an obvious human-racial caricature. more»
Greece Gearing Up For Olympics

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | Infographic

With just six months to go before the Olympics, Greece is scrambling to ready itself. What problems reamin? more»
Most Popular T-Shirt Slogans, 2092

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | Statshot
Colorado Football Under Fire

issue 4008 | 02.25.04 | What Do You Think?

In a growing scandal, several women have charged that they were raped by football players at the University of Colorado. What do you think? more»