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April 14, 2004 - April 20, 2004 | Issue 40•15

Bishop Sick Of Local Church Scene

SACRAMENTO, CA—Bishop Robert K. Boland of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento announced Monday that, although he remains a devoted servant of God and the Catholic Church, he has become tired of the same old church scene. "This diocese is okay, I guess...

Rumsfeld Looking Forward To Secretary's Day

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Though he knows it's just a Hallmark holidy, Donald Rumsfeld sheepishly admitted being excited about National Secretary's Day. more»
New Negative Campaign Ads Blast Voters Directly

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In the latest round of political mudslinging, both John Kerry's and George W. Bush's election committees have replaced ads that... more»
Friend Buys Computer Just Like That

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News

KANSAS CITY, MO—Account executive Jeremy Trask, 33, entered a local Best Buy Sunday, shopped for approximately 20 minutes, and bought a... more»
Study: Owning A Boat Not Worth It

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Brief

YONKERS, NY—According to a study published in the April issue of Boating Magazine, owning a boat is not even close to worth it. "Our... more»
Zambia Tired Of Being Mentioned In 'News Of The Weird' Section

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Brief

LUSAKA, ZAMBIA—Zambian president H.E. Levy P. Mwanawasa publicly chastised Reuters and 10 other news organizations Monday for featuring Zambia... more»
Room Scanned For Something To Sell On eBay

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Brief

ALBANY, CA—Applying tape to the last package in a 12-item round of eBay sales, Brandon Vye scanned his bedroom for anything else he could... more»
Man Nods His Way To The Top

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Brief

BOSTON—Using his unparalleled ability to nod after his superiors speak, Thomas J. Mieritz, 39, rose to the level of vice-president at Fidelity... more»
What Grieving Widow Needs Is A Day At The Spa

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Brief

PACIFIC PALISADES, CA—Now that her husband Harvey has been laid to rest and all the visiting relatives have left, what grieving widow Judith... more»
Baby Put On Phone Told Her Parents Hate Her

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Photos
Tank Rolls By Living Room Window

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | News In Photos
I Will Not Rest Until Sometime After 11 p.m.

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Commentary

I awoke this morning with an exhilarating realization: A new day had dawned. The sun brought clarity, as well as light. Looking into my shaving... more»
Here's My Road Map To Road Trips

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but the trouble pot boiled over and spilled all over everything again. For one... more»
Horoscope for the week of April 14, 2004

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Horoscopes

You've made it clear that you're a self-made man, and that no one can tell you how to live, but sometimes you think it might be nice to live indoors... more»
Statue Of Liberty To Reopen

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Infographic

The Statute Of Liberty will reopen in July, following the completion of structural and security improvements. What changes have been made so far? more»
Why Are We Applying For A Tax Extension?

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Statshot
Resistance In Iraq

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | What Do You Think?

A sudden surge in anti-occupation violence in Iraq has prompted some Americans to fear the coalition forces' control is slipping. What do you... more»
Preparing For A Hospital Stay

issue 4015 | 04.14.04 | Tips

While a trip to the hospital is rarely pleasant, here are some tips to help you prepare for the experience: more»