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May 12, 2004 - May 18, 2004 | Issue 40•19

Woman At Farscape Convention Has Dangerously Inflated Self-Image

BURBANK, CA—Paulette Osley, 24, a moderately attractive fan of the Sci-Fi Channel series Farscape, had her self-image inflated to dangerous levels during the three-day ScaperCon 2004,...

34 Congressmen Arrested In D.C. Cockfighting Crackdown

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Washington police seized members from the House and Senate in the latest crackdown on blood sports in U.S. government. more»
Bush Vows To Pay Closer Attention To Needs Of Non-Presidents

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to recent polls suggesting that he has lost touch with the average American, President Bush vowed Monday to pay closer... more»
Photo ID Shows Toll Job Has Taken On Employee

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News

CHARLESTON, SC—Seth Poole's employee-identification card is a revealing indicator of the toll that two years of work at Blue Juice, Inc. has... more»
Halliburton Employee's Pay Docked For Weeks Spent As Hostage

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Brief

BAGHDAD—Spokesmen for Halliburton International announced Monday that employee Thomas Hamill will not be paid for the three weeks he failed to... more»
House Inappropriations Committee Suggests Nation's Women Dress A Little Sexier

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a policy initiative released Monday, the chairman of the House Inappropriations Committee suggested that the women of America... more»
Bathroom Too Disgusting To Shit In

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Brief

AUSTIN, TX—The men's bathroom at area rock club Emo's was declared too repulsive for the emptying of concertgoer Max Risdy's bowels Saturday... more»
Film-School Graduate Goes Straight To Video-Store Job

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Brief

SANTA MONICA, CA—The theatrical career of recent USC School of Cinema-Television graduate Neil Hemmitt was put on hold indefinitely as the... more»
Investors Stake Out Greenspan's House For Signs Of Rate Increase

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Investors have been staking out Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan's home in an effort to gather any clues that Greenspan... more»
Keebler Expands Line Of Residence-Themed Crackers

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Photos
Prom Date Arrives In Freshly Washed Pickup

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | News In Photos
Sugar Baby

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Columnists

Ever notice how big things happen when you least expect them? You settle into a routine, and you go along like that for years, but then, suddenly,... more»
Killing Wheelchair-Bound People With Missiles Is Justifiable If They're Terrorists vs. Killing Wheelchair-Bound People

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Point-Counterpoint

The global balance of power has changed dramatically in the last two decades. In the past, great armies and great industrial capabilities were needed... more»
Horoscope for the week of May 12, 2004

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Horoscopes

Interior decorators claim that only about 18 inches of space is needed for people to pass between furnishings, but that was before they got a load of... more»
Who Is John Kerry?

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Infographic

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry is struggling to define himself to the voting public. What are some of the messages he's considering? more»
Top Child Punishments, By State

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Statshot
Iraqi Prisoner Abuse

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | What Do You Think?

Though the Bush Administration apologized for U.S. abuse of Iraqi prisoners, some feel the coalition's reputation has suffered irreparable damage.... more»
Commuting Tips

issue 4019 | 05.12.04 | Tips

Americans, on average, spend nearly half an hour commuting to and from their jobs. Here are some tips to make the ride go more smoothly: more»