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June 2, 2004 - June 8, 2004 | Issue 40•22

Area Father Urges Reopening Of 1998 Missing-Rake Case

EDINA, MN—Local resident Marsh Lufler, 51, urged family members to re-open a long-discontinued investigation into the disappearance of a lawn rake Monday. The rake, a Lawn-Grum brand spring-braced sweep rake with steel tines and a hardwood handle, has been missing...

Heartbreaking Country Ballad Paralyzes Trucking Industry

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News

NASHVILLE, TN—At any given time, 45 percent of all truckers are idling on the side of the road listening to this ballad of heartbreak and loss. more»
Poll: Many Americans Still Unsure Whom To Vote Against

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—According to Gallup Poll results released Monday, 6 percent of Americans are still undecided about whether to vote against... more»
Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News

DEDHAM, MA—Ever since last month, when Massachusetts became the first state to allow same-sex weddings, parents, friends, and coworkers have... more»
City Maoist Visits Country Maoist

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Brief

WUHAN, CHINA—City Maoist Xing Zhen Shengde returned Monday from a visit to Dunyang, where his country Maoist cousin Ni Yuxian resides. "The... more»
Diabetic 8-Year-Old Throws Worst Birthday Party Ever

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Brief

CARRIZOZO, NM—The 8th birthday party for diabetes-afflicted Jason Keoner was allegedly "the worst ever," partygoers reported Monday. "The only... more»
Area Man Accidentally Signs Up For AOL Latino

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Brief

TOPEKA, KS—Jim Bauer, 34, accidentally signed up for AOL Latino, the sales clerk reported Monday. "The sign-up had all these steps, and I guess... more»
Local Hamburger To Star In National Ad

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Brief

KANKAKEE, IL—Local citizens are abuzz with the news that a local Angus beef hamburger will be featured in a national Weber gas-grill TV... more»
Rumsfeld Equally Proud Of All His Wars

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced Monday that he shows no favoritism to the Iraq war and, in fact, loves all his... more»
Shotgun Blast To Abdomen Just Pisses Wilford Brimley Off More

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Photos
New 40-Gigabite iHOP Breakfast Platter Holds Up To 10,000 Pancakes

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | News In Photos
You Have Been Impregnated For National-Security Reasons

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | Commentary

Thank you for your call, Alice. I got here as quickly as I could. Have you told anyone else? Thank God. You have no idea what a relief that... more»
Ask A Jostens Class-Ring Salesman

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | Advice

Terry Feldon is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Jostens Class-Ring Salesman, appears in more than 250 newspapers... more»
Horoscope for the week of June 2, 2004

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | Horoscopes

You have no idea why Nancy Sinatra keeps showing up at your place and soundly kicking your ass, but if you don't find out soon, there's a chance... more»
Tornado Safety

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | Infographic

Spring is tornado season. The National Weather Service recommends taking these safety measures: more»
What's The Greatest Threat To Our Children?

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | Statshot
Al-Qaeda Planning Attack

issue 4022 | 06.02.04 | What Do You Think?

Last week, top U.S. officials warned that al-Qaeda plans to attack our country in the next few months. What do you think? more»