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September 8, 2004 - September 14, 2004 | Issue 40•36

Comedian Given Sitcom Out Of Pity

BURBANK, CA—Now What?, an ABC sitcom making its debut next week, was created for struggling stand-up comic Warren Morris out of pity, sources at ABC...

Hundreds Of Republicans Injured In Rush To Discredit Kerry

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—George Washington Memorial Hospital is struggling to deal with an influx of Republicans with concussions, broken bones, and internal... more»
Seminal School-Portrait Photographer Dies At 92

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News

PHOENIX—Henry Anszczak, the photographer whose influential work revolutionized modern school portraiture, died Sunday at his family home in... more»
Six-Hour Bus Ride Endured For Slots

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News

I-95, NJ—Baltimore resident Gary Drake, 53, endured a six-hour bus ride from Baltimore to Atlantic City Tuesday, drawn by the prospect of... more»
Bush Campaign More Thought Out Than Iraq War

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Military and political strategists agreed Monday that President Bush's re-election campaign has been executed with greater precision... more»
Local Child Amuses Café—But For How Long?

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Brief

TIGARD, OR—Although 4-year-old Mia Benson is currently amusing everyone at The Sundial Café, employee Kelli Doon wondered Monday how much... more»
Assistant Manager Accused Of Sexual Indiscrimination

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Brief

PLAINS, GA—Female employees at Peachtree Financial filed a joint complaint against assistant manager Dean Marchand Monday for repeated acts of... more»
Vacationing Man Misses Own Remote Control

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Dale Herring, on vacation from Wichita, KS, admitted Monday that he missed his TV remote control. "At first, I was taken with the... more»
Terry Gilliam Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Brief

LONDON—A backyard barbecue hosted by director Terry Gilliam was postponed again Sunday due to production delays. "I had a special grill flown in... more»
Emeril Bams Groupie

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Photos
Wedding Invitation Includes Depressing Map To Church

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | News In Photos
I'm Getting Pretty Good At Masturbating

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | Commentary

If you don't mind, I'd like to bring up a sensitive subject. Some people call it jacking off, or jerking off, or a lot of other things, but I just... more»
Absolute Cute

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | Columnists

I just had a major idea, and I want to write it down and get it out there before I begin to second-guess it. So here goes: more»
Horoscope for the week of September 8, 2004

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | Horoscopes

Your beloved Sparky will shock you by traveling 1,000 miles back to you. But then again, loyalty is the reason you married him in the first place. more»
Budget Airline Perks

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | Infographic

The American budget-airline business is booming. What perks do some of the low-cost carriers offer? more»
Most Popular Extracurricular Programs

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | Statshot
Kobe Bryant Case Dismissed

issue 4036 | 09.08.04 | What Do You Think?

Last week, prosecutors dropped the felony sexual-assault charge against basketball star Kobe Bryant. What do you think? more»