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November 17, 2004 - November 23, 2004 | Issue 40•46

Local Life-Insurance Salesman A Catalog Of Horrific Sudden-Death Scenarios

PLEASANT HILL, TN—Bob Carson, a State Farm life-insurance salesman for the past 27 years, is a walking encyclopedia of sudden-death scenarios, local sources reported Monday. ..

Oprah Celebrates 20,000th Pound Lost

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News

CHICAGO—Talk-show superstar Oprah Winfrey celebrated losing her 20,000th pound in a star-packed gala at the Sutton Place Hotel in Chicago's Gold... more»
Republicans Call For Privatization Of Next Election

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing the "extreme inefficiency" of this month's U.S. presidential election, key Republicans called for future elections to be... more»
Teen Handed Awesome Responsibility Of Closing Subway Alone

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News

BARTLESVILLE, OK—17-year-old Jeremy Prusher's manager said that although he is young, he is perfectly capable of closing the Subway. more»
Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted Of Murder On Law & Order

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Brief

RIO RANCHO, NM—Lionel Carver, who appears in a Pringles commercial currently airing on major networks, was convicted of first-degree murder on... more»
Ghost Can't Make A Simple Cup Of Coffee Without Everyone Freaking Out

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Brief

BOUTTE, LA—Former police chief Robert J. Kensworth, whose specter still roams the top floor of the old Third Precinct station, said Monday that... more»
FDA Recommends The Blue Marlin

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Brief

ROCKVILLE, MD—The Food and Drug Administration announced Monday that it recommends the blue marlin for its combination of flavor, texture, and... more»
Son Conned Out Of Allowance For Seventh Consecutive Week

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Brief

MISSOULA, MT—For the seventh week in a row, Bill Trusky cheated his son Shane out of the boy's $3 allowance, the 8-year-old's father said... more»
Actual Governing To Resume

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Following 16 months of non-stop campaigning, members of the executive and legislative branches of the U.S. government returned to... more»
Ashcroft Loses Job To Mexican

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Photos
Woman With Really Pointy Feet Finds Perfect Shoes

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | News In Photos
What Happens At Yucca Mountain Stays At Yucca Mountain

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | Commentary

The name "Yucca Mountain" is synonymous with danger and excitement. It's so much more than some single-industry desert town with a lot of unusual... more»
Back In The Driver's Seat

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. Who's your daddy? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but there's been no end of troubles in Anchower Town. more»
Horoscope for the week of November 17, 2004

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | Horoscopes

When you're finally given the chance to run the entire circus, you'll be amazed at how quickly it goes bad on you. more»
The Effects Of Global Warming

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | Infographic

Scientists say global warming in on the rise. What adverse effects do they predict will occur within the next decade? more»
Who Do We Owe Money To?

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | Statshot
Arafat's Death

issue 4046 | 11.17.04 | What Do You Think?

The death of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat could represent a turning point in the Mideast peace process. What do you think? more»