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January 19, 2005 - January 25, 2005 | Issue 41•03

Study: Watching Fewer Than Four Hours Of TV A Day Impairs Ability To Ridicule Pop Culture

NEW YORK—A Columbia University study released Tuesday suggests that viewing fewer than four hours of television a day severely inhibits a person's ability to ridicule popular culture. "An hour or two of television per day simply does not provide enough information to effectively mock mediocre sitcoms, v...

Law Enforcement Officials Call For Creation Of Bulletproof Sleeves

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News

DETROIT—Citing decades of advancements in torso protection, the National Association of Law Enforcement Officials held a press conference... more»
Supreme Court To Break Up If Rehnquist Leaves

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to widespread speculation, members of the U.S. Supreme Court told reporters Monday that they will not continue to hear... more»
Waitstaff Tired Of Sleeping With Each Other

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—After years on the job, members of the Manilla Grill waitstaff reported Monday that they are tired of having sex with each... more»
White House Dishwasher Tenders Resignation

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—T. Eric Mayhew, 36, who began working in the White House kitchen the day President George W. Bush took office, submitted his... more»
Mets Earmark $53 Million For Pitching Relief

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Following a stormy 2004 season that some observers called nothing short of a disaster, the New York Mets have addressed the tidal wave... more»
Caged Saddam To Be Highlight Of Inaugural Ball

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Attendees at the Independence Ball, one of nine officially sanctioned galas celebrating President George W. Bush's second... more»
Friend Whose Mom Just Died Allowed to Pick Pizza Topping

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Brief

HYANNIS, NE—Because his mother died of cancer on Jan. 8, Jon Brendemuehl, 11, got to choose the pizza topping during a bowling outing with best... more»
Woman Sensitive About That Thing On Her Face

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Brief

RUTLAND, VT—Coworkers of administrative assistant Audrey Foss, 28, reported Monday that she is "very sensitive" about that thing on the right... more»
Tsunami Death Toll Rises To 36 Americans

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Photos
Porch Ceded To Bats

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | News In Photos
I'm Pretty Sure I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | Commentary

I must admit that, at first, I wasn't sure if I was going to like the African-American Lit class I signed up for. I had to take it because it was the... more»
Junk Yardin'

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've had a fistful of problems lately. I had to beg Ron for a second chance at... more»
Horoscope for the week of January 19, 2005

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | Horoscopes

You're not sure why, but you've never bought that one chicken's alleged reason for crossing the road. more»
The Upcoming Iraqi Election

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | Infographic

How are iraqi citizens preparing for their Jan. 30 election? more»
What's Our Unguessable Password?

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | Statshot
Georgia's Evolution Stickers

issue 4103 | 01.19.05 | What Do You Think?

Last week, a U.S. district judge ordered a Georgia school district to remove stickers reading, "Evolution is a theory, not a fact" from its... more»