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March 23, 2005 - March 29, 2005 | Issue 41•12

National Gonzo Press Club Vows To Carry On Thompson's Work

LAS VEGAS—During a Tuesday press conference at the National Gonzo Press Club, members of the nation's foremost organization of gonzo journalists vowed to carry on the mission of its founder Hunter S. Thompson, who took his life last month. "Now that the whore-beasts and the scum-sucking degenerate rat bastards in Wall Street and the White House are hell-bent on turning us all into pliant, Scripture-mewling puppet-slaveys, we must take up Hunter's fallen colors and charge into the fra...

Colin Powell's Tell-All Book: Steroid Use Rampant In White House

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Top Cabinet officials are up in arms about the allegations of widespread steroid use made by former Secretary of State Colin Powell... more»
U.S. Dog Owners Fear Arrival Of Africanized Fleas

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News

ATLANTA—Panic is spreading among American dog owners, following the Center for Veterinary Medicine's Monday announcement that the arrival of a... more»
Child Walks Out On Toy Non-Proliferation Talks

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News

BROOKLYN, NY—Corrine Feit, 8, has refused to reduce her stuffed-animal stockpile. more»
No One Admits To Fart Joke

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Brief

HARRISBURG, PA—No one among the Harrisburg Family Insurance sales team will admit to having added a crude, hand-drawn depiction of flatulence to a... more»
Offended Customer's Huffy Walkout Goes Unnoticed

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Brief

DULUTH, MN—Angry about the convenience store's poor service, Dina Jorgenson abruptly stormed out of Marvin's QuikStop unseen Monday. "Oh, I've had... more»
Friends Always On Best Behavior Around Neil LaBute

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Brief

FORT WAYNE, IN—Personal acquaintances of acclaimed playwright and filmmaker Neil LaBute reported Tuesday that they keep their behavior in check... more»
Guatemalan Coffee Picker Happy If Single Person Starts Day Alert

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Brief

HUEHUETENANGO, GUATEMALA—Carmen Harroyo spends 16 hours a day picking coffee beans, but the weather-beaten 17-year-old said Monday that she is glad... more»
EPA To Drop 'E,' 'P' From Name

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Days after unveiling new power-plant pollution regulations that rely on an industry-favored market-trading approach to cutting... more»
Sports Banquet Ends In Trophy Fight

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Photos

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Yet Another Media-Savvy Ex-Hostage Delights TV-News Producers

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | News In Photos
I Don't Care How Long It Takes, I'm Gonna Figure Out What That 'L' Word Is

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | Commentary

I love a good mystery. When a television program gives you something to piece together, you have a reason to tune in every week. It's like a game.... more»
Ask A Guy Who's Been Avoiding You

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | Advice

Barry Turner is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Guy Who's Been Avoiding You, appears in more than 250 papers... more»
Horoscope for the week of March 23, 2005

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | Horoscopes

While on a pilgrimage, you and two dozen other travelers will stop for the night at a roadside inn, where you'll all agree to pass the time by... more»
The New SAT

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | Infographic

Last week, thousands of high-school students took a new version of the SAT Reasoning Test. What are they saying about the revamped exam? more»
What Is Our Mistress Demanding?

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | Statshot
Oil Drilling In Alaska

issue 4112 | 03.23.05 | What Do You Think?

In a major political victory for President Bush, the Senate recently voted to open the Alaskan Arctic Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling. What do... more»