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March 30, 2005 - April 5, 2005 | Issue 41•13

Anti-Chewing-Tobacco Activists Speak Out Against Secondhand Spit

RALEIGH, NC—The ever-embattled tobacco industry suffered another blow Monday, as citizens' groups challenged the major smokeless-tobacco companies to confront the quality-of-life issues associated with secondhand...

America Still Searching For Funniest Home Video

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News

HOLLYWOOD—Even after 15 years of tireless labor and a score of agonizing near-misses, the staff at America's Funniest Home Videos said... more»
Bush Launches Preemptive Attack On Social Security

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News

ST. LOUIS, MO—At an appearance at the St. Louis Convention Center Sunday evening, President Bush declared the "grave and pressing need" for a... more»
Live-In Boyfriend Like The Deadbeat Dad Kids Never Had

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News

ABILENE, TX—Earl "Trey" Shaker, 34, the live-in boyfriend of single mother May Anne Wyatt, 37, is like the deadbeat dad her four children never... more»
Oysters Have No Discernible Effect On Date

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Brief

SEATTLE—According to Justin Grammling, 24, a close inspection of date Karen Stavers, who ate a six-oyster appetizer platter, indicated no marked... more»
'Missed Connection' Ad Obviously Cheney

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In spite of its anonymity, a "missed connection" ad posted on the D.C.-area Craigslist Monday was clearly the work of Vice... more»
American Torturing Jobs Increasingly Outsourced

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—AFL-CIO vice president Linda Chavez-Thompson, representing the American Federation of Interrogation Torturers, released a... more»
Nation Planning Surprise Party To Cheer Up Conor Oberst

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Brief

OMAHA, NE—American citizens are coordinating efforts to lift the spirits of wünderkind singer-songwriter Conor Oberst, sources reported Monday. "I... more»
Five Minutes Of Watching Indian Channel Leads To Five Hours Of Watching Indian Channel

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—A five-minute sampling of Hindi-language channel Zee TV stretched into a five-hour Indian TV marathon for Craig Mieritz, 23, Monday. "I... more»
Scientists Isolate Gene Simmons

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Photos
Briefcase Full Of Porn

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | News In Photos
You Won't Believe This, But I'm Actually On A Crowded Elevator Right Now

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Commentary

Oh, hey David. No, it's a fine time. Always got time for you, my man. Dave. How's that lady I saw you with on Saturday? No shit. You're... more»
Getting Our Jollies

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Columnists

I've gotta say, I feel really sorry for all the so-called "professionals"—the working stiffs and stiffettes of the world. Sure, they're making a... more»
Horoscope for the week of March 30, 2005

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Horoscopes

You've never cared about mining, you've never been curious about mining, and you certainly never wanted to be a miner, but the only thing those... more»
Information Thieves

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Infographic

Identity theft is a growing problem, with hackers gaining access to more Americans' personal information every year. What are some of the reasons... more»
What did Woodrow Wilson Do On This Very Spot?

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Statshot
The Morning-After Pill

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | What Do You Think?

The FDA is deciding whether they will allow non-prescription sales of the morning-after pill Plan B. What do you think? more»
Being A Considerate Houseguest

issue 4113 | 03.30.05 | Tips

If friends or family members are kind enough to invite you to stay at their home, you'll want to be a gracious guest. Here's some tips to help you... more»