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April 6, 2005 - April 12, 2005 | Issue 41•14

U.S. High School Gets Raw End Of Student Exchange

BELLEVILLE, IL—Students and faculty at Summit Prairie High School expressed frustration and disappointment Monday, after realizing that they got the short end of the stick in...

Local Fox Affiliate Debuts Terror-Alert Van

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News

MURFREESBORO, TN—Touting itself as "the only channel with a terror-alert system designed to meet the specific needs of central Tennessee," Fox News... more»
Congress Awards Itself Congressional Medal Of Honor

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In recognition of its "service above and beyond the call of duty in the legislative field," Congress awarded itself the... more»
Actual Urgent Message From Robert Redford Goes Unheeded

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News

MARSING, ID—A letter asking for Michael Sanborne's help in preventing the robbery and possible destruction of actor Robert Redford was ignored. more»
1998 Powerball Winner Returns To Food-Service Job

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Brief

RAPID CITY, SD—In spite of winning an $18-million Powerball jackpot in 1998, William Berringer, 39, insisted on returning to his line-cook job at... more»
'He's A Stockbroker,' Says Woman Who Finds That Exciting

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—During a 12:30 luncheon with friends at Niko Niko Tuesday, Pamela Gordon, 27, described her recent date with 30-year-old stockbroker Ken... more»
Colombian Teen Going Through Anti-Government Guerilla Phase

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Brief

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA—Like many Colombian teens, Juan Ardila, 15, is experiencing typical growing pains, characterized by mood swings, raging hormones,... more»
Nation's Tall Asked To Stand In Back

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a wide-reaching relocation of U.S. citizenry, all Americans above six feet tall were asked to please move to the back Monday.... more»
Terri Schiavo Dies Of Embarrassment

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Brief

PINELLAS PARK, FL—Terri Schiavo, the shy woman whose self-image issues put her in a 15-year coma, died of embarrassment Thursday, the eyes of... more»
Pope's Renal System Proves Fallible

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Photos
Slowly Rotating Pie A Metaphor For Trucker's Failing Marriage

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Photos
Cheney Offspring Bursts From Bush's Chest

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | News In Photos
Being The Mayor Of Sucktown Isn't All I Thought It Would Be

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | Commentary

When I found out that I had been unanimously elected mayor of Sucktown, I thought I'd won a front-row seat to the fuck-off parade. I imagined days... more»
Who Are You Going To Believe—Me, Or That Encyclopedia Britannica 2005 Almanac?

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | Commentary

I'm not saying I know everything, but there are a lot of things I do know. To have you, someone I consider a friend, doubt my word isn't just... more»
Horoscope for the week of April 6, 2005

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | Horoscopes

Your stance on the health-care crisis tends to be rather conservative, but for the next few months, it will be heavily influenced by the steel bar... more»
Rising Oil Prices

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | Infographic

Oil prices have reached an all-time high. How are increasing costs affecting daily live in America? more»
What Are We Writing Off?

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | Statshot
Many Cancer Deaths Preventable

issue 4114 | 04.06.05 | What Do You Think?

According to the American Cancer Society, more than 60 percent of all cancer deaths could be prevented if Americans lived healthier lives. What do... more»