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April 13, 2005 - April 19, 2005 | Issue 41•15

Inner-City Community Bands Together To Find Missing Parent

DETROIT—In a heartwarming display of community feeling, members of the Delray neighborhood in southwest Detroit have banded together to find Milo Patterson, 38, the latest parent to vanish in the string of mysterious abductions that has plagued the area. Patterson, an avid sports fan and a father of three who had recently enrolled in an auto-mechanic training pr...

Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News

HEAVEN—The soul of Pope John Paul II wondered where all the marble statues and gem-encrusted scepters were. more»
Cost Of Living Now Outweighs Benefits

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—A report released Monday by the Federal Consumer Quality-Of-Life Control Board indicates that the cost of living now outstrips... more»
French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News

ROCHESTER, NY—In response to increasing American demand for tangier, more hygienic meals, condiment giant French's has introduced a new... more»
Pope John Paul II, Longtime Owner Of Popemobile, Dead At 84

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News In Brief

VATICAN CITY—Pope John Paul II, who owned the Popemobile for more than a quarter of a century, passed away last Saturday. "The Popemobile was known... more»
Papal Apartments Found Filled With Old Newspapers, Empty Pill Bottles, Mangy Cats

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News In Brief

VATICAN CITY—Housekeeping staff at the Vatican's Apostolic Palace, the official papal residence, were shocked to discover stacks of yellowing... more»
Pope-Killing Virus Claims Yet Another Victim

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News In Brief

ROME—Doctors at Italy's prestigious Center for Papal Disease Control announced last week that the infamous Pope-Killing Virus has claimed the life... more»
DEA Seizes Half-Built Suspension Bridge From Bogotá To Miami

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News In Photos
Inside: Spring Fashions So Glamorous You'll Practically Shit Yourself

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | News In Photos
I'm Not Locked Into This 5.75% 30-Year F.R.M. With You—You're Locked Into This 5.75% 30-Year F.R.M. With Me

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Commentary

And all I have to do is to sign on the dotted line... and initial there... and there... and there. What? Oh, right. I forgot to sign there. No... more»
I Gotta Get Out More Often

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. What do you hear? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been dragging my ass through the routine. The winter always... more»
Horoscope for the week of April 13, 2005

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Horoscopes

Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you, but not a day goes by that you don't regret becoming a professor of Ursine Studies. more»
The Minutemen

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Infographic

A group of volunteers calling themselves the Minutemen began standing sentry on the U.S. side of the Arizona-Mexico border last week to watch for... more»
Most Confusing Washing Instructions

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Statshot
Embattled Tom Delay

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | What Do You Think?

In recent weeks, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has come under increasing fire from a number of important media and political figures. What do... more»
Preparing A Living Will

issue 4115 | 04.13.05 | Tips

A living will is a legal document that provides directives for your medical care in the event that you are physically unable to express them. Here... more»