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June 8, 2005 - June 14, 2005 | Issue 41•23

Repressed-Memory Therapist Recovers Rockford Files Episode

OTTUMWA, IA—After months of hypnotherapy, local repressed-memory therapist Brian Marnard has helped Joan Spees, a 37-year-old farm-equipment sales consultant, recover an entire Rockford Files episode from the darkest reaches of her subconscious...

Bush Lifts Ban On Vigilantism

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In a striking departure from centuries of American belief in rule of law, President Bush gave his approval Monday to a limited... more»
Special Olympics Investigated For Use Of Performance-Enhancing Hugs

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Three months after the Special Olympics World Winter Games in Nagano, Japan, the International Special Olympics Committee has begun... more»
New Gas Bill Designed By Some Kind Of Freaking Maniac

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News

BOSTON—Some kind of raving psychopath apparently gnawed through his restraints and burrowed out of the Massachusetts Center For The Criminally... more»
NBA Playoffs Interrupted By NBA Preseason

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Brief

DETROIT—Game Six of the NBA Eastern Conference finals between the Miami Heat and the Detroit Pistons was postponed Saturday so that the Heat could... more»
Eighth-Grader Hasn't Missed A '69' Joke Opportunity All Year

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Brief

LEBANON, PA—According to Lebanon Central Middle School staff, Mike Eichstadt, 14, leapt on every possible occasion to make a "69" joke during the... more»
Congress Relieved To Admit It's Not Going To Accomplish Anything This Year

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Members of Congress breathed a collective sigh of relief Tuesday when Speaker Dennis Hastert successfully introduced a resolution... more»
Garden Too Much For Grandma This Summer

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Brief

TULSA, OK—Though she has tended the same 10' x 25' backyard vegetable plot for more than three decades, local grandmother Helen Fischer, 74, said... more»
Kuwait Starting To Notice Girls

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Brief

KUWAIT CITY—In light of the country's recent decision to allow women to vote and hold public office, observers around the world have noted that... more»
PETA Complains As Revised SAT Tested On Chimpanzees

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Photos
Nitroglycerin Chex Gingerly Pulled From Shelves

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | News In Photos
Well, I Guess That Genocide In Sudan Must've Worked Itself Out On Its Own

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | Commentary

I was pretty worried a year or so ago when the news came out that thousands of people had been indiscriminately slaughtered in Darfur. It was... more»
I'm Sick Of These Money Problems

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. What's goin' on? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but it's like life keeps raining shit down on me and I don't have a... more»
Horoscope for the week of June 8, 2005

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | Horoscopes

You'll be forced to run more than 50 miles by some cruel bastard who'll rig your hat with a fiendish device consisting of a candy bar, a piece of... more»
Unhealthy Online Support Groups

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | Infographic

A growing number of anorexic girls are joining Internet groups that glorify eating disorders. What are some of the other online support groups that... more»
Non-Negotiable Items On Björk's Backstage Rider

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | Statshot
Deep Throat Revealed

issue 4123 | 06.08.05 | What Do You Think?

Last week, former FBI agent Mark Felt revealed that he was Deep Throat, the anonymous source that helped break the Watergate scandal. What do... more»