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July 27, 2005 - August 2, 2005 | Issue 41•30

Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son

REEDSBURG, WI—Working-class father of four and veteran alcoholic James Schultz, 53, expressed deep disappointment Monday in his 19-year-old son Travis, for "turning into a goddamn pothead" after moving away from home to...

Supreme Court Justices Devour Sandra Day O'Connor In Ancient Ritual

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—The eight remaining justices of the Supreme Court met in chambers Monday to feast on the living flesh of retiring Justice Sandra Day... more»
Armchair Publicist Would Totally Rein In Tom Cruise

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News

OMAHA, NE—Responding to the negative press coverage Tom Cruise has received in recent weeks, University of Nebraska financial-aid clerk Ben... more»
Many U.S. Cities Losing Battles To Preserve Their Burger Kings

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News

CLEVELAND—Every day, 38-year-old Susan Tarsley takes a brisk walk through her tree-lined neighborhood. At each turn, she is reminded of the changes... more»
Chocolate Pudding Up $2 A Barrel

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—The price per barrel of dark sweet chocolate pudding jumped to over $60 Monday as global anxiety continued to drive demand for the... more»
Bush To London Bombers: 'Bring It On'

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush officially responded to the latest round of London transit bombings Monday, challenging terrorists to "do their... more»
Study: 72 Percent Of High-Fives Unwarranted

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Brief

DALLAS—Specialists at the National Exuberance Institute said Monday that nearly three quarters of national high-five slap exchanges are... more»
Scientists Discover 6,000-Year-Old Stain

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Brief

HAFR AL-BATIN, SAUDI ARABIA—Textile archaeologists have unearthed a section of coarsely woven Sumerian goat's wool bearing what could be the... more»
Embattled Rove Seeks Asylum In Scarborough Country

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Brief

SCARBOROUGH COUNTRY—Diplomatic sources reported Monday that White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove has sought asylum in the conservative... more»
UN Quietly Pushed Into East River

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Photos

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War On String May Be Unwinnable, Says Cat General

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | News In Photos
I'm Choking On A Kalamata Olive, Not Your Everyday Olive

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Commentary

Oh, my. This is superb. Superb, indeed. My Greek grocer Kostas told me he had a surprise for me, and he certainly did: These are quite simply the... more»
Shop Worn

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Columnists

As I write this, I'm at Tacky's Tavern polishing off my third Long Island iced tea. (Nope, don't adjust your volume—you heard me right!) Now,... more»
Horoscope for the week of July 27, 2005

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Horoscopes

There's no shame in being a little depressed from time to time. There is, however, lots of shame in washing dozens of cheese-filled pancakes down... more»
Disneyland's 50th Anniversary

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Infographic

Last week marked the 50th anniversary of the opening of Disneyland. How did they celebrate? more»
Who Did This To You?

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Statshot
London Bombings

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | What Do You Think?

London subways and buses have been targeted in two subway attacks in recent weeks. What do you think? more»
Video Games

issue 4130 | 07.27.05 | Slideshow