Celebrating 10 Years Online

THE ONION DISPATCH

DAILY
WEEKLY

More Newsletters

PERSONAL OF THE DAY


 

Google Announces Plan To Destroy All Information It Can't Index

Google 2 MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to "organize the world's information," announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index. ..

Read more

Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Virgo: It's important to keep yourself looking and feeling good, but your relentless reapplication of home permanents is beginning to seem disturbing.

Infographic

Celebrity Last Requests

Celebrity Last Requests

StatShot

What Are We Doing While Driving?

From Our Sponsors

Updates: Tuesday 8/30/05

American Voices

U.S.-North Korea Relations

 Old Man
"I'm not really the one to ask, as I have very little experience in diplomacy with hard-line communist nations."


More American Voices

8/30/05 7:14 AM

Onion Radio News

Freakish Newborn Is Half-Chinese, Half-American

Listen
 

More radio news

8/30/05 12:52 PM

Onion Magazine

Sunday, August 28, 2005

9/02/05 12:56 PM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • CHEYENNE, WY—Residents were left with no way to access Laramie by car after Highway 80, which had been "adopted" by the Elks Club, left to live with its birth parents, Highways 18 and 151 in southern Wisconsin.
  • BAKERSFIELD, CA—City officials once again reported that Bakersfield teens are getting the hell out of Bakersfield as soon as they are able.
  • ATHENS, GA—After a prolonged period of declining health and failing morale, the indie-rock scene was officially pronounced dead today in the sleepy college town where it was born. Indie rock was 25.
9/06/05 5:13 AM

This Day In History

August 27, 1946

August 27, 1946

Nation Recoils In Horror From Frightening Joan Crawford Make-Up

8/31/05 5:27 AM
© Copyright 2008, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
Powered By Rackspace