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August 31, 2005 - September 6, 2005 | Issue 41•35

Area Man Training For Upcoming Sanford And Son Marathon

SHELTON, CT—Ever since Alex Bryce was a boy, he has dreamed of participating in a TV marathon. Now, at age 26, he is days from making that dream a reality. This weekend's Sanford And Son marathon on TV Land is the ultimate test of a watcher's endurance, and Bryce plans to watch the entire 48-hour event...

Google Announces Plan To Destroy All Information It Can't Index

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to "organize the world's information," announced... more»
Bush: Vacation Ruined By 'Stupid Dead Soldier'

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News

CRAWFORD, TX—President Bush addressed the press Monday, mourning the tragic loss of his summer vacation. more»
Wrongly Imprisoned Man Won't Shut Up About It

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News

JOLIET, IL—George Howard Buell, wrongly convicted of rape and burglary, won’t stop yammering about his innocence. more»
Genie Grants Scalia Strict Constructionist Interpretation Of Wish

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—A genie freed from a battered oil lamp by Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia granted the conservative jurist a strict... more»
Londoners 2 Percent Less Polite About Terrorism Following Bombings

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Brief

LONDON—Findings released Monday by Britain's Home Office indicate that politeness among Londoners has dipped 2 percent since the July... more»
Republicans, Democrats Unite In Good Laugh Over Reform Party

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare moment of bipartisan unity, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle fondly recalled the Reform Party Tuesday. "Remember... more»
Botanists Making Great Strides In Stem Research

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Brief

ST. LOUIS—Plant researchers continue to report impressive discoveries in stem research, the Botanical Society Of America announced in a position... more»
Chinese Auto Industry

issue 4135 | 09.05.05 | American Voices

Chinese carmakers are beginning to increase production volume, raise quality-control standards, and export cars to Europe, with the hope of... more»
Reality TV's Integrity Questioned

issue 4135 | 09.02.05 | American Voices

Critics and viewers are beginning to question the integrity of reality-television shows, saying that some of them may be scripted or fixed. What do... more»
Atkins Diet Over

issue 4135 | 09.01.05 | American Voices

Atkins Nutritional, the former nutrition giant whose Atkins Diet craze has fizzled in the recent months, blamed slumping demand and increased... more»
Pat Robertson's Remarks

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | American Voices

Televangelist Pat Robertson recently called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. What do you think? more»
U.S.-North Korea Relations

issue 4135 | 08.30.05 | American Voices

The U.S. is struggling to handle its relations with volatile, unpredictable North Korea. What do you think? more»
Ghost of Anne Frank: 'Stop Reading My Diary'

issue 4135 | 09.05.05 | Radio
Mosquito's Life Cut Short

issue 4135 | 09.02.05 | Radio
Man On Fire Calls For Increased Flame-Retardant Funding

issue 4135 | 09.01.05 | Radio
Former Presidents Convene For Liver-Spot Summit

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Radio
Freakish Newborn Is Half-Chinese, Half-American

issue 4135 | 08.30.05 | Radio
Christian Science Pharmacist Refuses To Fill Any Prescription

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Photos

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Jennifer Aniston Finally Reveals Hairstyle That Repulsed Brad Pitt

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | News In Photos

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Hey, You Got Something To Eat?

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Commentary

Say, I'd like to eat a little something. You got something? What you got? Any kind of food is good. I just want something to eat. You must got... more»
Son, You'll Always Remember Your First Time, Because I'm Going To Film It

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Commentary

I know you've been attending a lot of parties recently. And while you may think your dad is clueless, I'm clued-in enough to realize that pretty soon... more»
Horoscope for the week of August 31, 2005

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Horoscopes

It's bad enough that you earned the undying enmity of a murderous elephant, but this particular bull is a member of the Azuma ninja... more»
Celebrity Last Requests

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Infographic

Last week, Hunter S. Thompson's ashes were shot out of a cannon, per the gonzo journalist's final wish. What are some other celebrities' last... more»
What Are We Doing While Driving?

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Statshot
America's Homeless: Still The Best In The World?

issue 4135 | 09.02.05 | Sunday Magazine
August 27, 1946

issue 4135 | 08.31.05 | Onion In History

Nation Recoils In Horror From Frightening Joan Crawford Make-Up more»