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Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country

Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country WASHINGTON, DC—In response to increasing criticism of his handling of the war in Iraq and the disaster in the Gulf Coast, as well as other issues, such as Social Security reform, the national deficit, and rising gas...

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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Libra: You've never been afraid to try new things, at least not as such. You're afraid of the special Church-controlled hit squad that finds people trying new things and gives them two behind the ear.

Infographic

Remains Of Al-Qaeda

Remains Of Al-Qaeda

Statshot

Leading Ways To Reduce Gas Use

Leading Ways To Reduce Gas Use

Opinion

From Our Sponsors

Updates: Wednesday 10/12/05

American Voices

Iraq War Vets With PTSD

 Old Woman
"Well, if you think post-traumatic stress is a problem for American soldiers, you should check out how it affects the Iraqi citizens. Some of these guys are going out of their minds."


More American Voices

10/12/05 6:47 AM

Onion Magazine

Love: The Crazy Hippie Fad Goes Mainstream

10/14/05 9:58 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Citizens were outraged today when local painter Ken Tranning dared to use a non-earth tone in his latest Southwestern painting. Tranning is expected to be fined $10,000 and get three years in jail if convicted.
  • MOBILE, AL—A man who was caught on tape brutally hacking 17 Blockbuster patrons to death with a pickaxe was freed of all charges for "having the balls to plead innocent."
  • WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has still not gathered the will to inform senators from the U.S. Virgin Islands, Oscar Vleck and Elizabeth Pendleton, that they are not really supposed to be there, and indeed aren't really senators.
10/18/05 9:50 AM

Stock Watch

Amalgamated Toxic/Hazardous Waste Disposal International (TOXDSP)

Stock has risen steadily since news broke that ATHWDI was merging with Gerber Baby Foods, creating broad new marketing opportunities for both companies.

10/13/05 9:02 AM
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