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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Libra: Your tactics of overwhelming your opposition with spectacular shows of force and choking the roads with fleeing refugees will be seen as inappropriate by the other electronics wholesalers.

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Updates: Wednesday 10/19/05

American Voices

L.A. Catholic Priest Scandal

Young Woman
"These priests really need to read the entirety of St. Augustine's Confessions and not just the sex parts."


More American Voices

10/19/05 9:38 AM

Onion Radio News

New Movie From Pixar To Totally Fuck With Kid's Minds

 

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10/19/05 9:38 AM

Onion Magazine

"They Tried To Teach My Baby Science"

10/21/05 10:41 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • BOISE, ID—According to Mount Sinai Hospital administrators, an electrical fire broke out at the institution this week, expanding the institution's burn ward threefold.
  • TUSCUMBIA, AL—A new Tuscumbia transportation law requires that all infants be placed in child-safety seats and securely buckled in when transported in the bed of a pickup truck.
  • FORT BRAGG, NC—Officers and soldiers spent Sunday afternoon engaged in large-scale full-unit war-game exercises, with all those in attendance agreeing at the end of the day that the live-fire simulation was "awesome."
10/25/05 9:51 AM

Stock Watch

North Carolina Trinitrotoluene NCTNT

Shares of this industrial chemical company sold well early on trading-floor rumors that the company was about to "blow up big," but news of a huge warehouse explosion later that afternoon erased almost all gains.

10/20/05 11:59 AM

This Day In History

October 19, 1931

October 19, 1931

Al Capone's Reign Of Tax-Evading Terror Finally Brought To End

10/19/05 11:57 AM
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