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November 2, 2005 - November 8, 2005 | Issue 41•44

Night On Town Fails To Rekindle Fading Business Relationship

AUSTIN, TX—Hopes of reviving a once-thriving business partnership were dashed Monday when a night on the town only served to remind local entrepreneurs Terry Argento, 33, and B.J. Dreschler, 37, why they initially parted. "We had to face the music—B.J. and I can never do business the way we used to," said Argento, vice president of Argento Homes, a...

Iraqi Constitution Ratified, Burned

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News

BAGHDAD—The people of Iraq celebrated the passage of their new constitution Monday, in a formal ceremony that included a stirring speech by... more»
Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush ordered Americans to round these birds up, tie them down, and slit their throats. more»
TV-News Graphics Guy Gives Weatherman On-Air Surprise

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—Graphics designer Dan Janney's irreverent weather-map graphic cracked up the entire newsroom. more»
Floral Arrangement At Funeral Talked About More Than Deceased

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Brief

CHICAGO—Although Ernest Quarles was a reasonably beloved member of his family, the floral arrangements at his Sunday funeral service dominated... more»
'Scooter' Libby Wishes He'd Ditched Nickname Before Media Coverage

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the indicted former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, wishes he had stopped answering to... more»
New Custard Could Cause Worldwide Flandemic

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Brief

ATLANTA—A recently discovered strain of custard could cause a worldwide flandemic, Centers For Dessert Control warned Monday. "We are warning... more»
Hanukkah Decorations Being Defaced Earlier Every Year

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—A report released Monday by the Anti-Defamation League confirmed the widely held perception that Hanukkah decorations are being... more»
This So Typical Of Hemophiliac

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Brief

TEMPE, AZ—Friends of Joshua Melman agreed Monday that the behavior displayed at the WildSlide Waterpark Sunday was "utterly typical" of the... more»
Amid Controversy, NBA Announces Even Stricter Dress Code

issue 4144 | 11.03.05 | Sports News

NEW YORK—With the newly implemented dress code being met with criticism from players like Allen Iverson and Marcus Camby, NBA Commissioner David... more»
Top Al-Qaeda Escapee

issue 4144 | 11.08.05 | American Voices

It was recently announced that Omar al-Farouq, a top al-Qaeda operative, was among four prisoners to escape a U.S.-run prison in Afghanistan last... more»
Rioting Continues In Paris

issue 4144 | 11.07.05 | American Voices

The French police have taken 22 young people into custody after more than a week of riots in a northeastern suburb of Paris. What do you... more»
Record Oil Prices, Record Oil Profits

issue 4144 | 11.04.05 | American Voices

In the face of record-high oil prices, oil companies made a record $35 billion in profits in the last financial quarter. What do you think? more»
Dems Force Closed Senate

issue 4144 | 11.03.05 | American Voices

Minority Leader Harry Reid called for a private Senate session Tuesday to demand an investigation into pre-war intelligence handling. What do... more»
Alito Nominated

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | American Voices

President Bush nominated conservative Judge Samuel Alito as a replacement for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court. What do... more»
Unfazed Karl Rove Leaks Valerie Plame's Age, Weight

issue 4144 | 11.08.05 | Radio
Bufferin Sought In Series Of Pain Killings

issue 4144 | 11.07.05 | Radio
Weather Channel Opens Las Vegas Casino

issue 4144 | 11.04.05 | Radio
Michael Bay Makes High-Octane Trip To Grocery Store

issue 4144 | 11.03.05 | Radio
Eric Being A Real Dick Lately

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Radio
Yeti Releases Abdominable Crunch Workout Video

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Photos
Mega-Churchgoer Hopes To Appear Devout On Jumbotron

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | News In Photos
I Plan To Take Full Advantage Of The Upcoming Q&A With Howie Mandel

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Commentary

When I first heard that the DVD box set of Bobby's World was being released, I couldn't imagine more exciting news. Little did I know that,... more»
There's A Nude Sheriff In Town

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Commentary

Howdy, pardners. The name's Gunderson. Sheriff Bill Gunderson. You might remember me from the unattirin' at Black Gulch or the full moon at high... more»
Horoscopes 4144

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Horoscopes
New Corporate Responsibility Laws

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Infographic

Several recent bills have passed that absolve corporations of liability if consumers are harmed by their products, and President Bush is expected to... more»
What's The Worst That Could Happen?

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Statshot
On TV Tonight

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | On TV Tonight

BroadcastNetworks 8:00 9:00 10:00 ABC Wife Swap: Special Victims Unit Desperate Housewives: Malibu Nights Wednesday Night Wishing There Was Football Basically Judging Amy, But She's President CBS Two And A Half Jokes The Ghost Decorators In The Sauna With Andy Rooney NBC The Apprentice: Cobbler The Apprentice: Pope The Apprentice: Oreck Vacuum Guy Clinging To Joey Law And Order: SUV UPN America's Next Topless Model The Yell-At- Denise-Richards Show Just Happy To Be On TV The Great American Syndication Hour FOX So You Think Celebrities Can Dance? So You Think Ex-Buffy Cast Members Can Dance? Kiss Your Favorite Show Goodbye! Cable Spike TV Dude, Check This Shit Out! Dude, Did You See That Shit? Axe Body Spray Theater EHUURRGH! Masculinity's Greatest Dumps ComedyCentral Let's Ineptly Clean Eugene Levy's House! Fruits In Suits Chappelle's Rerun Not Anywhere Near Late Enough With Adam Carolla IFC Parker Posey: A Retrospective Bob Balaban's Celebrity Backgammon Talking About Rudy With Jon Favreau Paint Drying (1998): Lili Taylor, Martin Donovan FUSE Hip Hop Party Hip Hop Brawl Hip Hop Arrests Metal: The Yoga Of Anger Go To Bed, It's The '80's Video Show LOGO The TooGay Show The Man Show (Rerun) How Homosexuals Should Act How Heterosexuals Should Act Soap, But Only Episodes With Billy Crystal Queer Eye For The Even Queerer Guy
Disaster, Could It Strike Again?

issue 4144 | 11.04.05 | Sunday Magazine
November 2, 1994

issue 4144 | 11.02.05 | Onion In History

Republican Revolution Of '94: Everything's Different Now more»
NFL Discontinues ‘Take Your Daughter To Work Day’

issue 4144 | 11.03.05 | Photo Finish

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