The Onion

December 1, 2005

Annika Sorenstam Has Another Remarkable Year For A Lady

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Annika Sorenstam, the absolutely adorable doll of golf's lighter, gentler side, and a true lady who has absolutely charmed ladies' golf fans since joining the always-heartwarming Ladies' Professional Golf Association Tour...

Sports In Brief

• John Madden Arrested For Possession Of Turhumanheaducken

• Your Grandpa Insists Someone You've Never Heard Of Should Be In Hall Of Fame

• Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert

• Joe Namath Guarantees He'll Lose Battle With Alcoholism

• Quarterback Has Normal, Healthy Son

• NASCAR Champ Trades In Points For Fun Prizes

• National Sex-Boat Industry Facing Financial Trouble

• WNBA Draft To Double As Bachelorette Auction

• Halftime Show At Bruins-Devils Hockey Game Disrupted By Second Period Of Play

Baseball Briefs

• Mia Hamm Declines Third-Year Option On Nomar Garciaparra

• Pete Rose Jr. Somehow Finds Way To Disgrace Family Name

• Fox Cancels ALCS After Just Two Episodes

• Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

• Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers