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February 1, 2006 - February 7, 2006 | Issue 42•05

Area Family Likes Car So Much They Live In It

ST. PAUL, MN—Single mother of three Janis Cullen is so pleased with her 1990 Pontiac 6000LE wagon that, after her family moved out of their home in late 2003, they took up residence in the car. "We don't have anywhere to go," sa...

President Creates Cabinet-Level Position To Coordinate Scandals

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush announced a new Cabinet-level position to coordinate all current and future scandals facing his party. more»
TV Blamed For Rise In Formulaic Violence

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Concerned citizens are demanding government action against television shows that promote bloodless, formulaic violence. more»
Black Box Records Last 90 Minutes Of Hot-Air Balloon Crash

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—A black box recovered from a hot-air balloon crash offered a glimpse into the craft's final, somewhat terrifying 90 minutes. more»
Man Who Does Everything At Last Minute Wonders How You Do It

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Brief

CHICAGO—Ted Henson, a copywriter at Green/Allium Advertising and notoriously disorganized procrastinator, is awestruck by his coworkers' ability... more»
Vegetarian Can't Bring Self To Eat IHOP's Funny Face Pancakes

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Brief

BREMERTON, WA—During breakfast at the International House of Pancakes Monday, vegetarian Erica Legrand said she could not eat her Funny Face... more»
Eighty Percent Of Al-Qaeda No. 2s Now Dead

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—The Pentagon announced Monday that 80 percent of Osama bin Laden's seconds-in-command have been eliminated. more»
ABC Cancels Acting With The Stars

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—ABC announced the cancellation of the show Acting With The Stars Monday. more»
MPAA Unveils Rating System Based On Old Testament

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—Working with evangelical Christian organizations such as Focus on the Family, the Motion Picture Association of America has... more»
Roger Federer Admits Tennis His Fourth-Favorite Sport

issue 4205 | 02.02.06 | Sports News

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—In a tearful admission following his seventh Grand Slam title at the Australian Open Sunday, Roger Federer told members... more»
Most Fertile Irish Male Found

issue 4205 | 02.07.06 | American Voices

Irish scientists believe they have discovered the most fertile Irish male, a fifth-century warlord named Niall of the Nine Hostages with over 3... more»
Danish Cartoons Offend European Muslims

issue 4205 | 02.06.06 | American Voices

A series of recent political cartoons, published initially in Denmark and reprinted by seven other European newspapers, has offended Muslims with its... more»
Polluting Nations Endorse Greenhouse-Gas Plan

issue 4205 | 02.03.06 | American Voices

Six of the nations that produce the highest volume of greenhouse gases have endorsed a voluntary plan that will reduce emissions 30 percent by... more»
Army Extends 50,000 Soldiers' Tours of Duty In Iraq

issue 4205 | 02.02.06 | American Voices

The Army is forcing 50,000 soldiers into extended duty in Iraq. What do you think? more»
State Of The Union

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | American Voices

President Bush delivered his fifth State Of The Union address last night, promising affordable health care and criticizing Americans for being... more»
Relaxation Tape Can't Play Any Louder

issue 4205 | 02.07.06 | Radio
Animal-Control Officer In Way Over His Head

issue 4205 | 02.06.06 | Radio
Uneventful Past Finally Catches Up To Boring Man

issue 4205 | 02.05.06 | Radio
Ikea Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles

issue 4205 | 02.04.06 | Radio
Convenience Of E-Mail Takes Up 30 Percent Of Area Man's Work Day

issue 4205 | 02.03.06 | Radio
Ebert And Roeper Develop Highly Unstable Movie Rating

issue 4205 | 02.02.06 | Radio
Christian Porn Film Climaxes With Birth Of Child

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Radio
Bumble Bee Tuna Celebrates 10,000th Supermarket Circular Cover

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Photos
Michael J. Fox Visibly Excited By Return To TV

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | News In Photos
My Dead Kid's Foundation Kicked Your Dead Kid's Foundation's Ass

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Commentary

After I watched my only son slowly succumb to pancreatic cancer, I was convinced that I would never again know joy. Yet it was only six... more»
I Love The Idea Of My Wife

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Commentary

Do I love my wife? It's a complicated question. What is love? Perhaps it is an ineffable aspect of the human condition that can never be... more»
Your Horoscope 4205

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Horoscopes
BlackBerry Service Shutdown

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Infographic

Because of a legal battle, the manufacturers of the BlackBerry may have to temporarily terminate service on the portable e-mail device. How will... more»
Reasons For Visiting Macon, GA

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Statshot
The 100 Worst Senators

issue 4205 | 02.03.06 | Sunday Magazine
February 2, 2006

issue 4205 | 02.01.06 | Onion In History

India's Nationalist Leader Pummeled Senseless By Practitioners Of British 'Violence' Movement more»
Matt Hasselbeck Just Happy To Be On TV

issue 4205 | 02.02.06 | Photo Finish

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