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February 8, 2006 - February 14, 2006 | Issue 42•06

Wal-Mart Parking Lot Puts Municipal Parking Lot Out Of Business

AUBURN, ME—After serving the area for more than four decades, Parking Lot 2A lowered its moveable-arm gates for the last time Friday. The much-loved municipal parking lot is only the most recent casualty of Wal-Mart parking lots. A Wal-Mart Supercenter opened across from Lot 2A in October 2001. ...

EPA Warns Of Dangerous Levels Of Romance In Air

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Scientists say the main symptoms are sudden redness, heart palpitations, and a weakness of the knees. more»
White House Debuts Iraq War Infomercial

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Hosts Donald Rumsfeld and Linda Evans told viewers that Iraq could be ours for the low cost of $238 billion. more»
Millions Of Americans Succumbing To Sudden Elder Death Syndrome

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News

McLEAN, VA—Also known as "Craftmatic Adjustable Bed Death," SEDS has become the leading cause of death among elders over 70. more»
Investigative Reporter Ruins Fish Sticks For Everybody

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Brief

BOSTON—According to the paper's readers, a report on commercial seafood-processing practices published in Tuesday's Boston Globe has... more»
New Software Yellows Neglected Digital Photos Over Time

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Brief

ROCHESTER, NY—Eastman Kodak released an imaging software package that yellows, fades, and even loses digital photos over time Monday. more»
NASA Completely Forgot Probe Was Returning Today

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Brief

PASADENA, CA—NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory was thrown into chaos Monday after an Australian radar-tracking station notified JPL staff that... more»
Area Woman To Celebrate Quiet Women's History Month At Home This Year

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Brief

SAN FRANCISCO—Juliette Solomon said that despite the pressure to "make a big production" out of Women's History Month, she will likely spend... more»
Mark-Paul Gosselaar Obviously Authored Own IMDb Trivia

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—Observers speculate that former Saved By The Bell star Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Zack") wrote his own Internet Movie Database... more»
Onion Sports 2006 Winter Olympics Preview

issue 4206 | 02.09.06 | Sports News

more»
Cheney Shoots 78-Year-Old Man

issue 4206 | 02.14.06 | American Voices

This weekend, Vice President Cheney accidentally shot a 78-year-old companion on a hunting trip in Texas. What do you think? more»
Bush's Tax Cuts Permanent

issue 4206 | 02.13.06 | American Voices

Bush wants to make his tax cuts permanent, which would cost $1.4 trillion over 10 years. What do you think? more»
Alabama Churches Burned

issue 4206 | 02.10.06 | American Voices

Since the beginning of February, nine Baptist churches have been burned to the ground in Alabama. What do you think? more»
Wal-Mart To Carry Morning-After Pill?

issue 4206 | 02.09.06 | American Voices

Women's groups are pressuring Wal-Mart to change their policy and start carrying the morning-after Pill. What do you think? more»
AOL To Charge For E-Mail

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | American Voices

Yahoo and AOL want to begin charging companies one-fourth to one cent for preferential bulk e-mail delivery. What do you think? more»
Letter D Pulls Sponsorship From Sesame Street

issue 4206 | 06.25.08 | Radio
Local Man Can Finally Take 'Buy Socks' Off To-Do List

issue 4206 | 02.14.06 | Radio
U.S. Teens Lead World In Pregnancy-Test Scores

issue 4206 | 02.13.06 | Radio
Hidden Valley Ranch Bombed By Balsamic Extremists

issue 4206 | 02.12.06 | Radio
Dream About Walking Around With No Pants In Supermarket Finally Comes True

issue 4206 | 02.10.06 | Radio
Abusive Obsessive-Compulsive Has To Punch Wife Exactly 20 Times

issue 4206 | 02.09.06 | Radio
Nation's Grandparents Voice Concern Over Reading-Light Levels

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Radio
Nancy Grace Reports Own Mind Now Missing For 83 Days

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Photos
Subwoofer Worth The Horrible Credit Rating

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | News In Photos
I Don't Wonder What Jesse Camp Is Up To These Days

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Commentary

Hey, know who I haven't been thinking about lately? That guy Jesse Camp who I never used to watch on MTV. I don't fondly remember... more»
I Am But A Vessel Through Which God Drones On Indefinitely

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Commentary

Who is greater—he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? He that sitteth at meat, surely. For it is him we serve, and it is for the... more»
Your Horoscope 4206

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Horoscopes
Wiretapping Intelligence

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Infographic

Despite criticism, President Bush has defended the government's domestic surveillance program, saying it is necessary to ensure our safety. What has... more»
Top Superhero Weaknesses

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Statshot
Pseudoscience: Is It Catching Up To Real Science?

issue 4206 | 02.10.06 | Sunday Magazine

Pseudoscience: Is It Catching Up To Real Science? more»
February 11, 1945

issue 4206 | 02.08.06 | Onion In History

FDR, Stalin, Churchill Meet For Mutton Luncheon, Nap more»
Turin Olympics Officials Unveil ‘Shroudy’ Mascot

issue 4206 | 02.09.06 | Photo Finish

Turin Olympics Officials Unveil ‘Shroudy’ Mascot more»
Mike Holmgren: ‘I’m Going To Sea World’

issue 4206 | 02.09.06 | Photo Finish

Mike Holmgren: ‘I’m Going To Sea World’ more»

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