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Pisces: You've experienced the convenience of the "copy" keyboard shortcut for years now, but it'll really start paying off after you discover the "paste" keyboard shortcut this week.

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Updates: Wednesday 2/22/06

American Voices

Arab Protection Of U.S. Ports

Young Woman
"Why not? Some of those al-Qaeda people have probably done much more research on our ports than anybody else."


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2/22/06 6:41 AM

Onion Radio News

Bush Defends U.S. Baby-Monitoring Program

 

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2/22/06 11:29 AM

Onion Magazine

Please Stop Casting Me

2/24/06 9:29 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • BERKELEY, CA—Residents gathered for a candlelight vigil by the bay, but it quickly dissipated when it was revealed that it was for racism.
  • FLORRISANT, MO—Planners of an abortion-clinic bombing were forced to postpone due to a scheduling conflict with the Blue-Collar Comedy Tour at the Savvis Center in nearby St. Louis.
  • UPTON, ME—After months of experimentation and a tense collaboration with local raccoons, the black bears of Upton have at long last gained access to Frank Ewell's smokehouse.
2/28/06 8:34 AM

Stock Watch

stockwatch 2006-02-20

Shares of the food giant climbed when it announced the development of a new lettuce substitute providing a meat-based alternative for those who want to enjoy that same lettuce flavor without all the vitamins and fiber.

2/22/06 12:51 PM

This Day In History

February 20, 1947

February 20, 1947

'Tele-Vision' Promises Mass Enrichment of Mankind

2/22/06 5:30 AM
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