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March 6, 2006 - March 12, 2006 | Issue 42•10

Mover Regales Area Man With Story Of Time He Moved Dresser Just Like This One

PONTIAC, MI—During a routine crosstown job Monday, Triple S Transfer And Storage mover Ron Estes informed client Ward Buell that Buell's bedroom dresser was remarkably similar to one that Estes encountered "about five years ago."...

Dozens Trapped In Candlelight Vigil For Coal Miners

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News

HARLAN COUNTY, KY—As hopes for a socially acceptable escape faded, attendees coped with mild hunger and arduous self-pity. more»
'Iraqi Gandhi' Preaches Slightly Less Violence

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News

BAGHDAD—The revolutionary author of Practicing Semiviolence advocates the slaughter of a mere majority of his foes. more»
Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News

NEW YORK—PharmAmorin, developed by Pfizer Inc, could alleviate the symptoms of Free-Thinking Disorder for millions of Americans. more»
Altruism Mocked

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Brief

EUGENE, OR—Resident Mark Eisenfeld was taken to task by fellow citizens Tuesday for helping a lost and apparently senile elderly man find his... more»
Perfect Attendance Credited To Abusive Household

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Brief

VIROQUA, WI—The staff of Viroqua Middle School credit seventh grader Ben Lohm's perfect attendance to his family, particularly his alcoholic... more»
Paul Giamatti Lauded For Supporting Role In Area Murder

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Brief

ENCINO, CA—Actor Paul Giamatti, known for choosing risky and offbeat projects, has been generating buzz among law enforcers for his small but... more»
Classic Boring

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Brief

MONTPELIER, VT—Book-circle organizer Jackie McKinney announced Monday that the remaining 26 chapters of the John Steinbeck's The Grapes... more»
Smart Aleck Ruins Academy Awards

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Brief

VINCENNES, IN—Viewers of the 78th Academy Awards report that the event was ruined by the unknown smart aleck who served as the master of... more»
Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball

issue 4210 | 03.09.06 | Sports News

SAN FRANCISCO—With the publication of a book detailing steroid use by San Francisco Giants superstar Barry Bonds, two San... more»
Slobodan Milosevic Dead

issue 4210 | 03.14.06 | American Voices

Former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic died in prison before a verdict in his four-year trial for genocide and war crimes could be rendered. What... more»
Meth Puts Strain On ERs

issue 4210 | 03.13.06 | American Voices

A recent survey of hospitals indicated that methamphetamine is responsible for more drug-related emergency-room admissions than any other illicit... more»
Bald Eagles Thriving

issue 4210 | 03.10.06 | American Voices

A recent survey indicated that bald eagles would soon be taken off the endangered-species list. What do you think? more»
Five Percent Of U.S. Workers Are Illegal Aliens

issue 4210 | 03.09.06 | American Voices

A recent study shows that 5 percent of all workers in the U.S. are illegal immigrants. What do you think? more»
Army Recruitment On Campus

issue 4210 | 03.08.06 | American Voices

The Supreme Court ruled that universities must allow military recruiters on campus if they are going to accept federal money. What do you... more»
Iran May Be Developing Lottery Technology

issue 4210 | 03.14.06 | Radio
Shootout Exactly What Stressed-Out Police Officer Needed

issue 4210 | 03.13.06 | Radio
Report: Dolphins Have Evolved Opposable Thumbs

issue 4210 | 03.12.06 | Radio
New Crispy Snack Cracker To Ease The Pain Of Modern Life

issue 4210 | 03.11.06 | Radio
Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

issue 4210 | 03.10.06 | Radio
Scientists Say Stuff-Shaking Reaching Dangerous Levels

issue 4210 | 03.09.06 | Radio
Democrats Get A Whole New Look For Spring

issue 4210 | 03.08.06 | Radio
If Hamster Only Knew What Happened To Last Hamster

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Photos
Conjoined Twins Separated At Birth Reunited In Freak Accident

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | News In Photos
Why Can't Our Family Be More Like The Entenmanns?

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | Commentary

What's going on with us? James came home with terrible grades in algebra and biology last month. Michelle just quit the volleyball team. I'm... more»
We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We're To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | Commentary

As the search for alternative energy sources continues, many decry nuclear energy as an unsafe and irresponsible option. Admittedly, dangers... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | Horoscopes
Smithsonian's Hip-Hop Collection

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | Infographic
Most Popular Dinner-Conversation Topics

issue 4210 | 03.06.06 | Statshot
I Think You May Be Looking For The Other John McCain

issue 4210 | 03.10.06 | Sunday Magazine
March 8, 1953

issue 4210 | 03.07.06 | Onion In History

New Medical Report Finds Heavy Petting Linked to Communism more»
Gold-Medal-Winning Swedish Hockey Team Featured On Vheätiess Box

issue 4210 | 03.09.06 | Photo Finish

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