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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Pisces: While it's normal to harbor some resentment after a long and drawn-out divorce, the stars are still of the opinion that your latest roller-coaster-ride design is really petty.

From Our Sponsors

Updates: Wednesday 3/22/06

American Voices

NBC Universal Buying iVillage

Young Woman
"And all this time I assumed NBC didn't care about my need to lose weight."


More American Voices

3/22/06 11:54 AM

Onion Magazine

The Hidden Buddhist Threat In Our Midst

3/24/06 9:17 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Town officials once again pleaded with federal officials to become part of Ohio, to no avail.
  • GLENVIEW, IL—In an effort to increase town pride, Glenview residents institute an "Act Like You Enjoy Living Here" week.
  • NEW YORK—Actor Sam Waterston of Law & Order fame is vacationing this week, and, as in previous absences, all of his affairs, personal and professional, will be conducted by a muppet.
3/28/06 9:21 AM

Stock Watch

stockwatch_032206.jpg

Shares in this home-furnishings giant took a dive after consumer-advocacy groups released data proving once and for all that linens are things.

3/22/06 6:34 AM

This Day In History

Onion in History

March 25, 1989

Bush Decries Exxon Valdez Spillage of 'Precious, Precious Oil'

3/20/06 7:57 AM
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