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April 12, 2006 - April 18, 2006 | Issue 42•15

Friendship With Homeless Man One-Sided

NEW HAVEN, CT—Yale University junior Steve Hamlin received what he described as a "hard lesson" this week when he realized that he was the only one putting any effort into his friendship with...

MIT Fraternity Accused Of Robot Hazing

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News

CAMBRIDGE, MA—One of the victims, forced to binge on 40 terabytes of data and swim across the Charles River, is feared drowned. more»
Slipped Disc Celebrates 10th Year As Excuse For Everything

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News

CHARLOTTE, NC—Matt Breunich's friends recalled the activities he had missed, from holding a friend's baby to kissing the Blarney Stone. more»
Texas Oil Buffoon Pumping 8,000 Barrels Of Oil Into Ground Every Day

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News

GALVESTON, TX—T. Ludlow Banks boasts of being a man of action rather than thought. more»
Man's Streak Of Getting Great Parking Spot Ends At 37

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Brief

CHICAGO, IL—Self-described "Michael Jordan Of Parking" Tim Llewelyn saw his personal record of consecutive "awesome" parking places end... more»
Many Senators Developing Simple Tools For Governing

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Scientists who study congressional behavior reported Monday that some senators are capable of developing and using primitive... more»
Air India Now Offers Business Caste Seating

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Brief

MUMBAI—Air India, the subcontinent's largest airline, announced it will offer upgraded Business Caste seating on all flights starting in... more»
Redundancy Built Into TV Show To Protect Against Failure

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD—To insure against a total comedy-systems failure like the one that caused the Coupling disaster, producers of the new NBC sitcom... more»
Dusty Baker Not Worried About Cubs' Hot Start

issue 4215 | 04.13.06 | Sports News

CHICAGO—Despite their impressive 4-2 start and the fact that their pitching and offense appears to be clicking on all cylinders, Cubs... more»
Christian Student Sues For Right To Hate Speech

issue 4215 | 04.18.06 | American Voices

Ruth Malhotra, a student at the Georgia Institute of Technology, sued the institution over her right to speak freely against homosexuality in... more»
New Healthier Pigs

issue 4215 | 04.17.06 | American Voices

Scientists have cloned pigs that are engineered to contain omega-3 fatty acids, which produce healthier pork. What do you think? more»
Gospel Of Judas Found

issue 4215 | 04.14.06 | American Voices

A 1,700-year-old papyrus document called the Gospel of Judas indicates that the apostle Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans at his request. What do... more»
Plans To Nuke Iran

issue 4215 | 04.13.06 | American Voices

According to an article by Seymour Hersh in this issue of The New Yorker, the U.S. has drawn up plans to preemptively attack Iran to stop... more»
NY Post Extortion Scandal

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | American Voices

The New York Post's "Page Six" gossip column is under investigation for shaking down Manhattan socialites for positive coverage. What do... more»
Investigators Still Sorting Out Four-Hearse Crash

issue 4215 | 04.18.06 | Radio
God Thanked For Something He Would Never Do

issue 4215 | 04.17.06 | Radio
U.S. Citizens Protest Mexi-Canadian Overpass

issue 4215 | 04.16.06 | Radio
Man Dies After Long, Painful Battle With Life

issue 4215 | 04.15.06 | Radio
People Saying 'Happy Spring Holiday' Just to Piss Off Bill O'Reilly

issue 4215 | 04.14.06 | Radio
11 Children Perish In La Brea Ball Pit

issue 4215 | 04.13.06 | Radio
Nicole Richie Attempts To Do Whatever She Does On Her Own

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Radio
32-Year-Old Actress Dies Of Old Age

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Photos
Chained Pen Yearns To Visit Rest Of Bank

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | News In Photos
How Can I Put A Price On My Wife's Head?

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Commentary

I've been married to Lani for nine interminable years, and the degree to which I despise, from the bottom of my heart, her every annoying... more»
I Really Have To Get My Magic Act Together

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Commentary

Today is the day I roll up my sleeves, take a long, hard look in the mirror hidden inside my Metamorphosis Trunk, and transform myself for... more»
Horoscope

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Horoscopes
Hospitals Adapt To Obese

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Infographic
Where Are We Hiding Our Easter Eggs?

issue 4215 | 04.10.09 | Statshot
Panic In The Streets

issue 4215 | 04.14.06 | Sunday Magazine
April 9, 1942

issue 4215 | 04.12.06 | Onion In History

San Francisco Grocer Henry Nakamura Chief Suspect in Pearl Harbor Bombing more»
Anna Benson’s Comments Used As Excuse To Run Anna Benson’s Photo

issue 4215 | 04.13.06 | Photo Finish

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