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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Aries: This week, you and 47,500 others will bury a comprehensive time capsule that will precisely reflect modern American life after a massive earthquake splits the ground open and swallows an entire city.

Opinion

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Updates: Wednesday 4/12/06

American Voices

NY Post Extortion Scandal

Old Woman
"That story about Paris Hilton giving money to the battered women's shelter did sound a little fishy."


More American Voices

4/12/06 8:37 AM

Onion Magazine

Panic In The Streets

4/14/06 7:55 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • BETHESDA, MD—Improv troupe Elephant Ballz was at a loss when the request for an audience suggestion returned "an elephant's balls."
  • NIAGARA, NY—An attempt to pull a dine-and-dash on the Queen Of The Falls dinner cruise resulted in the drowning deaths of Stanley Tibbets and J.J. MacKuen.
  • NORMAN, OK—Everyone agreed that Don Simmons would be the first to tell you if he didn't think the truck was going to make it.
4/18/06 5:29 AM

Stock Watch

stockwatch_041206.jpg

This niche electronics manufacturer is taking off in a big way as the trend of wearing white headphones, whether connected to a device or not, continues to grow in popularity.

4/12/06 5:20 AM

This Day In History

San Francisco Grocer Henry Nakamura Chief Suspect in Pearl Harbor Bombing

April 9, 1942

San Francisco Grocer Henry Nakamura Chief Suspect in Pearl Harbor Bombing

4/12/06 8:50 AM
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