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May 3, 2006 - May 9, 2006 | Issue 42•18

Roommate Deemed Too Incompetent To Clean Bathroom

IOWA CITY, IA—University Of Iowa pre-law major Peter Kaufman announced Sunday that his roommate of two weeks, Rob Carrero, would be informally barred from cleaning the bathroom of their two-bedroom off-campus apartment, citing Carrero's general ineptitude at other household maintenance and...

NASA Announces Plan To Launch $700 Million Into Space

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—"This is just another step in our long-term goal of putting $1 billion on Mars," said the project's lead scientist. more»
Illegal Immigrants Returning To Mexico For American Jobs

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News

MEXICO CITY—The workers send most of their earnings to family in the U.S., who in turn send a portion to family members still in Mexico. more»
Voyeur Concerned About Lack Of Sex In Neighbors' Marriage

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News

EDWARDSVILLE, KS—Viewed through the lens of binoculars, the Hobsbaums' seemingly happy relationship reveals far too little. more»
Hussein Court Shocked By Ironclad Alibi

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Brief

BAGHDAD—Defense attorneys for Saddam Hussein claimed Monday the former dictator could not have signed a 1984 order to kill 148 Shiites... more»
Comic-Book Superrman Impervious To Copyediting

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Brief

NEWARK—Executives at DCC Comics have announced the debut of comic-book character Superrman, whose invulnerability to copyediting... more»
Bleary-Eyed Coworker Up All Night Generating More Work For You

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Brief

BANGOR, ME—Office personnel coordinator Clem Chesterton, who was hired by your superiors last year to track work flow, project progress, and... more»
Life Coach Has Losing Record

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Brief

BURLINGTON, VT—Life coach David Harmon, 48, has yet to lead anyone to a major victory and has tallied a mere 6–18–1 record in his... more»
Wig-Wearing Mike Tyson Retires From Foxy-Boxing

issue 4218 | 05.04.06 | Sports News

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—Mike Tyson, his bikini straps slipping from his shoulders, his makeup running, and his long blonde wig in disarray... more»
British: UFOs Aren't Real

issue 4218 | 05.09.06 | American Voices

A recently declassified British Ministry of Defence report says that UFOs can be explained as natural, though bizarre, phenomena. What do... more»
Al-Jazeera In English?

issue 4218 | 05.08.06 | American Voices

Al-Jazeera, the Arab news station, is preparing to launch an international English-language version of their channel. What do you think? more»
FDA Still Against Medical Pot

issue 4218 | 05.05.06 | American Voices

Despite mounting evidence to support it, the FDA has reaffirmed its stance against the use of medical marijuana. What do you think? more»
SC Sex Toy Ban Proposed

issue 4218 | 05.04.06 | American Voices

South Carolina is reviewing a bill that would ban the sale of sex toys, joining such states as Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi and Texas. What do... more»
Midwest Mumps Epidemic

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | American Voices

The number of mumps cases has grown to more than 1,100 across eight Midwestern states in the largest outbreak in nearly two decades. What do... more»
Control Freak Always Has To Be One To Perform Heimlich Maneuver

issue 4218 | 05.09.06 | Radio
Company's Sexual-Harrassment Policy Targets One Employee

issue 4218 | 05.08.06 | Radio
Congress Overturns Ban On Lawn Darts

issue 4218 | 05.07.06 | Radio
Area Hunchback Has Voice Of Television Announcer

issue 4218 | 05.06.06 | Radio
Tornado Improves Tennessee Property Values

issue 4218 | 05.05.06 | Radio
Baldwin Institute Successfully Maps Baldwin Genome

issue 4218 | 05.04.06 | Radio
Primatologist Dethrones Alpha-Male Baboon

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Radio
Bill Cosby Announces Dates For U.S. College Commencement Tour

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Photos
Universal Remote Latest Step In Area Man's Plan For Total Living Room Domination

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | News In Photos
Sorry To Bother, But Might You Have An EpiPen I Can Use Immediately?

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Commentary

Excuse me. Hello? I hate to be a bother, but—oh, never mind. Actually—good day. Pardon my somewhat strident tone—I have no... more»
I Know Why The Mounted Fish Sings

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Commentary

Consider, gentles, the marvel which Fate and father-in-law have seen fit to provide us: wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, a 14-inch... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Horoscopes
New Government Tax Rebates

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Infographic
Most Popular Ingredients By State

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Statshot
Outlive Your Kids

issue 4218 | 05.05.06 | Sunday Magazine
May 7, 1937

issue 4218 | 05.03.06 | Onion In History

Nation Wowed By Tremendous Hindenburg Explosion more»
World Of Outlaws Race Broken Up By Police

issue 4218 | 05.04.06 | Photo Finish

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s