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May 24, 2006 - May 30, 2006 | Issue 42•21

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

ESCONDIDO, CA—The ghosts of comedy legends Don Knotts and Richard Pryor were embroiled in a madcap misadventure Monday, which involved crooks, a missing diamond, and an old fixer-upper mansion haunted by the late actors. The escapade, characterized by ...

Passengers Bravely Take Down Plane Showing Big Momma's House 2

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—All 105 passengers chose death over Martin Lawrence's high falsetto shrieks. more»
Chinese Employers To Grant 15-Minute Maternity Break

issue 4221 | 05.23.06 | News

DONGGUAN, CHINA—Officials say it's more than enough time to expel the child and clean up any slippery afterbirth. more»
Insecure Brian Williams Only One Who Doesn't Trust Brian Williams For Latest News

issue 4221 | 05.22.06 | News

NEW YORK—The veteran newsman has "absolutely no idea" why he's allowed on TV night after night. more»
Many Native Americans Still Hold Traditional Beliefs About White Man

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Despite more than four centuries of the erosion of their native society, a large majority of First Nations peoples still... more»
Savion Glover Taps His Way Out Of Another Speeding Ticket

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Brief

WEEHAWKEN, NJ—Tony-Award-winning tap dancer Savion Glover was let off with his ninth warning in nine traffic stops after his "amazing... more»
Bush Puts National Guard In Charge Of Public Relations

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Characterizing the move as a "dramatic new change in the way this administration relates to the public," President Bush... more»
Pregnant Woman Glows With Rage

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Brief

BROOKLYN, NY—Developments common to the seventh month of pregnancy have caused mother-to-be Anita Cernicke to glow with the inner light... more»
MLB To Place Asterisk, Pound Sign, Exclamation Point, Letter 'F' Next To Bonds' Name In Record Books

issue 4221 | 05.25.06 | Sports News

SAN FRANCISCO— Commissioner Bud Selig announced Wednesday that, once the Giants slugger retires, his name in the official MLB record books... more»
School Monitors Student Blogs

issue 4221 | 05.30.06 | American Voices

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do... more»
U.S. Proposes European Missile Defense System

issue 4221 | 05.29.06 | American Voices

The United States is proposing developing a missile defense shield for Europe to protect it against a potential threat from Iran. What do... more»
.xxx Rejected

issue 4221 | 05.26.06 | American Voices

ICANN, the U.S.-based corporation that assigns Internet domain names, rejected the designation ".xxx" earlier this month under pressure from... more»
Columbine Video Game Stirs Controversy

issue 4221 | 05.25.06 | American Voices

A controversial web videogame, Super Columbine Massacre RPG, allows players to act as the shooters in the Columbine High School slayings of... more»
Beloved's Controversial Award

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | American Voices

Some members of America's literary community are up in arms, claiming Toni Morrison's Beloved was named the best American novel of the past... more»
Unidentified Source Never Knows When To Leave

issue 4221 | 05.30.06 | Radio
Man Being Dragged By Bus Leaves Hilarious Phone Message

issue 4221 | 05.29.06 | Radio
Government Report On Illiteracy Copied Straight From Encyclopedia

issue 4221 | 05.28.06 | Radio
Immigration Officials Beef Up U.S.-Mexico Border With Pure Beef

issue 4221 | 05.27.06 | Radio
Hall Monitor Ready To Talk Deal

issue 4221 | 05.26.06 | Radio
God Admits He's Addicted To Babies

issue 4221 | 05.25.06 | Radio
Obese BIllionaire Opens World's Largest Gravy Park

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Radio
Puerto Rico Celebrates Dependence Day

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Photos
Cigarette Tax Hike To Pay For Iraq War

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | News In Photos
There's No One I Haven't Seen Naked

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Commentary

Everybody these days lays claim to having seen most celebrities naked. In fact, it's fair to say that more people have seen more other... more»
Hillary Clinton Is Too Ambitious To Be The First Female President

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Commentary

I think it's about time we had a female president of the United States. I don't care what anyone says: Women can be just as smart and qualified... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Horoscopes
Preventing Illegal Immigration

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Infographic
Failed Organic Products

issue 4221 | 05.24.06 | Statshot
Is It Time To Forget About Afghanistan?

issue 4221 | 05.26.06 | Sunday Magazine
May 26, 1996

issue 4221 | 05.25.06 | Onion In History

Oprah Secedes from U.S., Forms Independent Nation Of Cheesecake-Eating Housewives more»
Sam Cassell Returns To Home Planet Following Clippers' Playoff Elimination

issue 4221 | 05.25.06 | Photo Finish

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