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May 30, 2006 - June 5, 2006 | Issue 42•22

Columbia House Launches Subscription Meds Program

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Music and DVD mail-order giant Columbia House is offering a new direct-mail subscription drug program for the estimated 10 million senior citizens who have not yet signed up for the government’s Medicare prescription medication plan...

Israeli PM: 'One More Suicide Bombing And I'll Give Them Whatever They Want'

issue 4222 | 05.30.06 | News

JERUSALEM—Olmert warned terrorists, in the strongest possible terms, that he is ready to submit to their every demand. more»
Recently Unearthed E-Mail Reveals What Life Was Like In 1995

issue 4222 | 05.30.06 | News

KNOXVILLE, TN—Archaeologists say the ancient Internet users must have struggled to understand the frightening new technology. more»
Series Finale Of Will & Grace Ends Eight-Year Truce Between Gay, Straight Communities

issue 4222 | 05.29.06 | News

LOS ANGELES—The uneasy peace was shattered 10 p.m. EDT May 18, erupting into uncontrollable chaos between the two groups. more»
Workplace Shooting Planned On Company Time

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Brief

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Last week's mass shooting at Consolidated Services, in which employee Lynn Saint-Sebastian killed seven coworkers and... more»
New Triple-X Dinosaur Park Opens In Nevada

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Brief

ELKO, NV—Crowds braved 95-degree heat and throngs of protestors to attend the opening of the Greater Nevada XXX Dinosaur Park Monday, a new... more»
Secret Service Agent Not So Secret About Being David Alan Grier Fan

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Although Secret Service Special Agent Michael Schilling is adept at assuming a low profile while protecting the president, he... more»
Critics Blast Al Gore's Documentary As 'Realistic'

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Brief

NEW YORK— The Al Gore-produced global-warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth is being panned by critics nationwide who claim the... more»
Royals Hire Tom Emanski To Teach Them Fundamentals Of Baseball

issue 4222 | 06.01.06 | Sports News

KANSAS CITY—With their offense floundering, their pitching the league's worst, and their footwork on double-play balls atrocious, the Royals... more»
New Batwoman: Lesbian

issue 4222 | 06.06.06 | American Voices

DC Comics is re-introducing the character Batwoman, only this time as a lesbian. What do you think? more»
DHS Cuts New York Defense

issue 4222 | 06.05.06 | American Voices

The City of New York is up in arms after its Homeland-Security budget was slashed nearly in half. What do you think? more»
Avoiding The Anti-Christ

issue 4222 | 06.02.06 | American Voices

A pregnant woman in England is trying to get her hospital to induce labor so the baby will not be born on 6/6/06. What do you think? more»
M.I.A. Denied Visa

issue 4222 | 06.01.06 | American Voices

British rapper M.I.A. was denied a visa to the U.S., purportedly for her support of the Sri Lankan terrorist organization the Tamil Tigers. What do... more»
Bush Seals Seized Records

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | American Voices

President Bush recently ordered records seized by the FBI from Rep. William Jefferson's office sealed from investigators for 45 days. What do... more»
Area Man Will Remember Unanswered Prayer Next Time God Needs His Help

issue 4222 | 06.06.06 | Radio
Pollster's Wife 'Somewhat Dissatisfied' With Her Marriage

issue 4222 | 06.05.06 | Radio
Area Man Less Capable Than Own Watch

issue 4222 | 06.04.06 | Radio
Politician Shifts Focus From Sex Scandal By Shooting Man Right Next To Him

issue 4222 | 06.03.06 | Radio
Overly Ambitious Eye Compensates For Lazy Eye

issue 4222 | 06.02.06 | Radio
Machines On Pace To Win Spell-Check War Of 2013

issue 4222 | 06.01.06 | Radio
Graduation Speech Suggests Valedictorian Is Pregnant

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Radio
Rodeo Clown Bleeding On The Inside

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Photos
Heavily Starched Shirt Only Thing Keeping Larry King Upright

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | News In Photos
Who's A Girl Gotta Fuck To Get Some Closure On Her Relationship With Her Father?

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Commentary

Well, if that doesn't take the cake. Here I am, giving it my all, but it seems like no matter what I do, I can't sleep my way out of... more»
Today's Funeral-Goers Want To Be Entertained

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Commentary

My aunt passed away last weekend, and I flew out from L.A. for the funeral. Short, unexpected illness, very sad, cousins totally... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Horoscopes
Guns N' Roses Album Delay

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Infographic
Top Summer Jobs

issue 4222 | 05.31.06 | Statshot
Using The Internet To Radically Misdiagnose Your Children

issue 4222 | 06.02.06 | Sunday Magazine
May 29, 1993

issue 4222 | 06.01.06 | Onion In History

Uneducated Forklift Driver To Address Nation On Rush Limbaugh Radio Show more»
Danica Patrick's Disappointing Indy 500 Finish Causes Fans To Question Whether Or Not She's Pretty

issue 4222 | 06.01.06 | Photo Finish

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