Celebrating 10 Years Online

THE ONION DISPATCH

DAILY
WEEKLY

More Newsletters

PERSONAL OF THE DAY


 

Thousands Feared Born In Nigerian Population Explosion

Thousands Feared Born In Nigerian Population Explosion LAGOS, NIGERIA— Emergency-management personnel are calling the population explosion that ripped through this already densely populated coastal city last week "an unparalleled natural disaster" and fear the mounting life toll will only grow as tiny bodies are discovered among the human...

Read more

Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Gemini: Although he will pick up the check at dinner, cover your movie ticket, and shell out for your cab ride home, it is you who will ultimately pay for this week's date.

Infographic

Increasing Theme-Park Attendance

Increasing Theme-Park Attendance

Statshot

Stat-Shot-Top-Wedding.jpg

Top Wedding Gifts

From Our Sponsors

Updates: Wednesday 6/07/06

American Voices

Canada Terror Plot

 Old Woman
"Apparently they wanted to blow up a city that, on screen, passes really well for New York."


More American Voices

6/07/06 5:25 AM

Onion Radio News

Entire Day Wasted Searching For Baby

Listen
 

More radio news

6/07/06 5:55 AM

Onion Magazine

Stop Laughing I'm Having A Heart Attack

6/09/06 11:04 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH—A lesson intended to teach Jeffrey Marshek not to swear was lost on the 10-year-old when he was forced to wash his mouth out with his mother's delicious oatmeal avocado soap.
  • RICHMOND, VA—Upon hearing the news that their favorite dive, The Red & Silver, was facing foreclosure, loyal patrons quickly headed to Jimmy's Tap to drown their sorrows.
  • BURLEIGH, ND—Aggressive inline skater Zack Dildy will soon find a completely different use for the wheelchair ramp off of which he is attempting back flips.
6/13/06 6:53 AM

Stock Watch

Clickity-Clackity Corporation

The film and TV industry's increased reliance on action scenes in which a character sits in front of a computer and frantically types in order to save the world has dramatically boosted sales of this sound-effects company that specializes in loud keyboard clicking.

6/07/06 8:34 AM
© Copyright 2008, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
Powered By Rackspace