Home | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

June 14, 2006 - June 20, 2006 | Issue 42•24

Jon Lovitz Says Income From Subway Commercials Allows Him A Certain Creative Freedom

LOS ANGELES—Jon Lovitz, former Saturday Night Live cast member and star of TV's The Critic and NewsRadio, is taping a scene from his latest Subway commercial on a Burbank soundstage. To the casual onlooker, his work has seemed consistently competent, even polished. But...

Pope Makes First Papal Visit To Six Flags

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News

EUREKA, MO—Benedict granted a private audience to dignitaries Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam at the Moose Burger Lodge in DC Comics Plaza. more»
Surgeon General Issues Report On Dangers Of Secondhand Fire

issue 4224 | 06.13.06 | News

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senior citizens with brittle skin and young children are the most at risk. more»
Sony Unveils New Model Customer

issue 4224 | 06.12.06 | News

NEW YORK—The 34-year-old, unmarried "Steve" can watch up to 12 hours of high-definition sports programming a day. more»
Iran Ready To Talk About How Awesome Nuclear Program Is

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Brief

TEHRAN—As international tension builds over Iran's decision to continue refining and enriching uranium, Foreign Ministry spokesman... more»
Fiona Apple Song Reminds Girl To Be Depressed

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—Her mood dangerously optimistic at the end of the school year, teenager Christine Lowell was reminded of the need to assume... more»
Mad Lit Professor Puts Finishing Touches On Bloomsday Device

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Brief

DUBLIN—Professor Hanlon O'Faolin, once called "mad" at the Royal Irish Academy for attempting to reanimate the traditional body of... more»
Parole Board Swayed By Reverse Psychology

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Brief

JOLIET, IL—The men and women of the Illinois state parole board responded to carefully calculated claims of remorselessness and... more»
Devastated By U.S. World Cup Team's First-Round Loss, Nation Grinds To Halt

issue 4224 | 06.15.06 | Sports News

NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES, and WASHINGTON, DC—With the Dow Jones average down over 600 points, factory productivity in a downward spiral, and... more»
Whaling Ban Nearly Killed

issue 4224 | 06.20.06 | American Voices

Led by strong opposition from Japan, the body that governs commercial whaling came close to overturning the 20-year-old ban on the practice. What... more»
Gates To Leave Microsoft

issue 4224 | 06.19.06 | American Voices

Bill Gates announced that he will be giving up his duties in the day-to-day operations of Microsoft in 2008. What do you think? more»
National Meat Surplus

issue 4224 | 06.16.06 | American Voices

Pork profits are substantially lower than last year because of a massive meat surplus. What do you think? more»
No Charges For Rove

issue 4224 | 06.15.06 | American Voices

Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed Karl Rove that he will not face charges over his role in the outing of a CIA agent Valerie Plame.... more»
AIDS Turns 25

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | American Voices

HIV/AIDS was first described in the medical journal Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report 25 years ago this month. What do you think? more»
Area Woman Thought Motherhood Would Be A Breeze After Raising Four Cats

issue 4224 | 06.20.06 | Radio
Cheese Pretzel Highlight Of 7-Year-Old's Art-Museum Trip

issue 4224 | 06.19.06 | Radio
Area Fry-Cook Learns Leaving Restaurant Industry Isn't That Easy

issue 4224 | 06.18.06 | Radio
Ted Nugent Talks That Way Even When Buying Socks

issue 4224 | 06.17.06 | Radio
Area Woman's Best Friend Agrees

issue 4224 | 06.16.06 | Radio
Area Woman Tries To Reason WIth House-Fire

issue 4224 | 06.15.06 | Radio
Whale Christ Feeds Whale Masses With Single Krill

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Radio
Nation’s Grandmothers Swept Up In Textile-Messaging Craze

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Photos
Inner-City Prodigy Earns GED At Age 11

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | News In Photos
Two Hundred Spam E-Mails Can't Be Wrong

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Commentary

When I received my first "spam" e-mail offer, I admit I was a bit skeptical. I hadn't asked for any information on refinancing my mortgage,... more»
Why Doesn't My Code Get Its Own Movie?

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Commentary

I have finally received an answer to the first-ever city-to-city telegraphic transmission that I sent back in 1844, "What hath God wrought?"... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Horoscopes
Liberal Blog Convention

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Infographic
Top Summer Reads

issue 4224 | 06.14.06 | Statshot
Skipping Breakfast With Nicole Richie

issue 4224 | 06.16.06 | Sunday Magazine
June 13, 1967

issue 4224 | 06.15.06 | Onion In History

National Guard Mobilized For Integration of Negro Into Supreme Court more»
Roethlisberger Repeatedly Taps 'Helmets Are For Losers' Into Pillow Using Morse Code

issue 4224 | 06.15.06 | Photo Finish

At the AV Club: AVQ&A GA_googleFillSlot("100x12_avfocus");

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Email Dispatch

At the AV Club: AVQ&A