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Report: U.S. May Have Been Abused During Formative Years

US WASHINGTON, DC—A team of leading historians and psychiatrists issued a report Wednesday claiming that the United States was likely the victim of abuse by its founding fathers and motherland when it was a young colony.

 "In its adulthood, the U.S. ...

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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Gemini: To commemorate 20 years of being happily separated, you and your ex-husband will decide to renew your divorce vows this week.

Infographic

Infograph: UAW Union Recruitment

UAW Union Recruitment

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Updates: Wednesday 6/21/06

American Voices

Adult-Proof Ringtone

 Old Woman
"This should go great with my son's text messages, which are too small for me to read."


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6/21/06 12:53 PM

Onion Radio News

Bigamist Continues Searching For Another Ms. Right

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6/21/06 9:47 AM

Onion Magazine

Could Your Children Suddenly Drop Dead For No Reason?

6/23/06 6:36 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • ACTON, MA—Video games are again under scrutiny after local teen Victoria Wellstone killed a classmate by repeatedly tapping her thumbs on the victim.
  • CLAYTON, MO—Trying on her very first bra in the teen department at Dillard's, 12-year-old Liz Cunningham's face fell when the saleslady assisting her in the dressing room informed her this was "nothing she hadn't seen before."
  • ALBUQUERQUE, NM—26-year-old resident Steve Gillingham's plans to visit Seattle were scrapped after it was discovered an ex-girlfriend had recently moved there.
6/27/06 10:39 AM

Stock Watch

Subterranean Radio

While filling a niche that neither satellite nor terrestrial radio have cracked, this underground broadcasting company is having difficulty finding a target demographic.

6/21/06 5:58 AM

This Day In History

Eisenhower Vows to Address Growing Problem of Overdue Library Books

June 24, 1957

Eisenhower Vows to Address Growing Problem of Overdue Library Books

6/22/06 6:43 AM
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