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June 28, 2006 - July 4, 2006 | Issue 42•26

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Kinko's Manager Hopes Child Stays Missing A Little Longer

RICHMOND, VA—As a local FedEx Kinko's became the nerve center of a desperate search for missing 9-year-old Haley Bonhomme, branch manager Thomas Pyle expressed a "deep personal investment" in the tragedy. The 35-year-old copy-store veteran remains eager to facilitate the girl's frantic...

Government To Defend Marriage From Dashing Reginald St. Croix, Esq.

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Lawmakers say they must do everything they can to halt the corrupting influence of St. Croix’s debonair bonhomie and... more»
McCain, Feingold Co-Sponsor Chain Of Integrity-Themed Eateries

issue 4226 | 06.27.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—The restaurant will serve a wide array of fully accountable cuisine, including Russ & John’s pork-free Sausage ‘N Eggwich. more»
Baggage-Handling Mix-Up Sends Dirty Bomb To St. Louis

issue 4226 | 06.26.06 | News

NEW YORK—Frustrated Al Qaeda operative Abu Basir Yousef promised that this flight would be "the last of his life." more»
Alan Colmes' Death Goes Unreported On Hannity & Colmes

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | News In Brief
Professor Pressured To Sleep With Student For Good Course Evaluation

issue 4226 | 06.27.06 | News In Brief
Report: Many Americans Too Willing To Ask For Help

issue 4226 | 06.26.06 | News In Brief
Hussein Judge Hoping For Fair, Speedy Assassination

issue 4226 | 06.23.06 | News In Brief

BAGHDAD—Rauf Abdel Rahman, the chief judge in the ongoing trial of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, told Arabic news channel... more»
Somalia Defeats Rwanda To Win Third-World Cup

issue 4226 | 06.29.06 | Sports News

KHARTOUM, SUDAN—The host city of the 2006 Developing Nations Football Championship erupted in cheers that nearly drowned out the cries of... more»
Global Warming Irreversible

issue 4226 | 06.30.06 | American Voices

According to the journal Science, the human influence on the Earth's climate will be irreversible within the next 100 years. What do... more»
Amnesty International Report Blasts United States, China

issue 4226 | 06.29.06 | American Voices

A new Amnesty International Report condemns China and the U.S. for turning a blind eye to global poverty and genocide. What do you... more»
Coffee Counteracts Alcohol

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | American Voices
Body Of Missing Mad Magazine Reporter Found In Blecchistan

issue 4226 | 07.02.06 | Radio
U.S. Middlemen Demand Protection From Being Cut Out

issue 4226 | 07.01.06 | Radio
Vice President Cheney's Severed Hand Chokes Chairman Of Ways And Means Committee

issue 4226 | 06.30.06 | Radio
Vin Diesel Forces Film Institute To Honor Him

issue 4226 | 06.29.06 | Radio
Insurgent Secretly Terrified Of Winning Control Of Iraq

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Radio
Secretarian Violence Claims Lives Of Three Receptionists

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | News In Photos
Area Mom: 'I Finally Learned Computers'

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | News In Photos
We Must Preserve The Earth's Dwindling Resources For My Five Children

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Commentary

As we move into the 21st century, it is our responsibility to think of the future of the earth—not for ourselves, but for those who... more»
There's No Way I'm Saving That Guy

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Commentary
Your Horoscope

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Horoscopes
Election-Year Issues

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Infographic
How Are We Getting Into Shape For Swimsuit Season?

issue 4226 | 06.28.06 | Statshot
Child Labor's Hidden Adorable Side

issue 4226 | 06.30.06 | Jobs
July 4, 1937

issue 4226 | 06.29.06 | Onion In History

Amelia Earhart Missing; Famed Aviatrix 'Probably Just Shopping,' Search Teams Say more»
Rookie Tragically Misinterprets Suicide-Squeeze Sign

issue 4226 | 06.29.06 | Photo Finish

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