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U.S. Trendsetters Go On Strike

U.S. Trendsetters NEW YORK—More than 11,000 trendsetters, tastemakers, movers, and shakers gathered in Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood Monday to declare a strike against the broad segment of the American population that they say routinely copies their fashions, musical tastes, and sensibilities....

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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Cancer: You'll know you've made it as a drag queen this week when four unidentified men jump you from behind, shatter six of your ribs, and walk away shouting anti-gay epithets at your crumpled form.

Infographic

Dan Rather's Career Highlights

Dan Rather's Career Highlights

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Stat Shot What Are We Doing

What Are We Doing On Our Lunch Breaks?

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Updates: Wednesday 7/19/06

American Voices

Boston's Big-Dig Fiasco

 Old Woman
"Listen, when the government spends $14 billion on anything, you are going to have to accept that an innocent person will die under a concrete slab."


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7/19/06 6:34 AM

Onion Radio News

Pentagon Develops New Tank To Defend Marriage

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7/19/06 7:25 AM

Onion Magazine

Will Man Ever Put Nukes On The Moon?

7/21/06 12:55 PM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • TEANECK, NJ—New Jersey's black bear infestation took a surprising turn this week when the town council approved measures to allow specially trained members of the bear population to serve as bicycle policeman, drive city buses, and serve on the zoning board.
  • SPARTANBURG, SC—After having recently discovered women, first-grader Tommy Mills, 6, made an unsuccessful attempt to woo classmate Stacy Gibson by kicking her in the shins and putting an earthworm in her hair.
  • SACRAMENTO, CA—Firefighters battling a blaze for weeks defended their poor effort by saying, "Come on, who's going to miss Mendocino National Forest."
7/25/06 6:13 AM

Stock Watch

REMIN

Stock in this firearms manufacturer fell sharply after it was discovered that the company's previously announced "cure" for the Avian Flu was nothing more than the model 1100 Classic Trap Shotgun.

7/19/06 9:13 AM
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