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July 26, 2006 - August 1, 2006 | Issue 42•30

Area Senior Suspects Grandchild's Visit Just Some Sort Of Class Assignment

UNIONVILLE, MO—Eugenia Stollis' delight over an unannounced visit from grandson Toby Rourke soon soured Monday when the 76-year-old grandmother began to suspect that he was only there to complete a class assignment. "At first we talked about baseball...

Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | News

NEW YORK—The online encyclopedia commemorates and illuminates the vision of founding fathers Jefferson, Madison, and Chuck Norris. more»
Sparrow Aviation Administration Blames Collision On Failure To Detect Pane Of Glass

issue 4230 | 07.25.06 | News

PIERRE, SD—The 2-year-old bird is the latest of billions who have succumbed to the mysterious phenomenon. more»
Report: 47% Of Satellites Currently Monitoring Celebrity Parenting

issue 4230 | 07.24.06 | News

LOS ANGELES—Officials hope an increase in imaging capacity will produce the first images of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' elusive baby. more»
Illiterate Spirit Frustrates Ouija- Board Players

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | News In Brief

STRATTANVILLE, PA—Late-night attempts to contact the spirit world proved more frustrating than enlightening for a slumber party of... more»
Boyfriend Not To Be Trusted With Netflix Queue

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | News In Brief

ANN ARBOR, MI—Area resident Megan Sands announced Tuesday that her boyfriend, medical student Nick Kanis, would no longer be permitted... more»
Postmaster General Loses Laptop; Zip-Code Data Of Millions At Risk

issue 4230 | 07.25.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Postal Service has confirmed that a laptop computer issued to Postmaster General John Potter and containing... more»
Report: Everything Made In Sweatshops

issue 4230 | 07.24.06 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—A new U.S. Department Of Labor study revealed that Martha Stewart Living housewares, Tommy Hilfiger clothing, iPod music... more»
U.S. Soldiers Ask Rumsfeld If They Could Get Surprise Visit From Loved Ones Instead

issue 4230 | 07.21.06 | News In Brief

BAGHDAD—Although U.S. troops in Iraq said they appreciated President Bush's recent surprise visit, thousands of them have petitioned... more»
Grieving Tiger Woods Convinced Everyone Let Him Win British Open

issue 4230 | 07.27.06 | Sports News

ORLANDO, FL—Tiger Woods' initial feelings of elation and redemption after winning the 2006 British Open—his first victory following... more»
Universal Health Care For San Francisco

issue 4230 | 08.01.06 | American Voices

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors recently passed a measure to make free health care available to all of the city's uninsured. What do... more»
Chicago Mandates Living Wage

issue 4230 | 07.31.06 | American Voices

The Chicago City Council passed an ordinance last week declaring that "big box" stores like Target and Best Buy had to pay a living wage of $10... more»
Mass Transit Use Increases

issue 4230 | 07.28.06 | American Voices

Predictably, rising gas prices have led to an increase in mass-transit use. What do you think? more»
Israel Requests NATO Help

issue 4230 | 07.27.06 | American Voices

Israel surprised the international community by requesting that NATO troops be sent in to patrol the Lebanon–Israel border. What do you... more»
Nuclear Waste Accumulating

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | American Voices

Thousands of tons of spent nuclear fuel is building up at three power plants because the government¹s failure to open a promised storage facility... more»
Father's Ghost Still Neglects Daughter

issue 4230 | 08.01.06 | Radio
Report: Not Even Green Tea Can Help You Now

issue 4230 | 07.31.06 | Radio
U.S. Takes Out Debt-Consolidation Loan

issue 4230 | 07.30.06 | Radio
Man Defends Cartoon Character With Unexpected Vigor

issue 4230 | 07.29.06 | Radio
Recently Orphaned Child No Longer Enamored Of Bears

issue 4230 | 07.28.06 | Radio
God Tentatively Renews Human Life Through 2007

issue 4230 | 07.27.06 | Radio
Grief Counselors Flown Over Guantanamo Bay

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Radio
Child Soldier Promoted To Child Private 1st Class

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | News In Photos
Mariachi Band Has No Idea Your Mother Just Died

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | News In Photos
I'm Thinking About Getting Into Office Politics

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Commentary

I've always considered myself to be a natural leader with a devotion to higher ideals. By demonstrating responsibility, reliability, and... more»
I Just Assumed The Hobo With The Top Hat Was The One In Charge

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Commentary

Should anyone in the hobo camp on the outskirts of the abandoned railyard find this paper, I would ask you to please pass along the... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Horoscopes
Kevin Smith's Career Highlights

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Infographic
Parents' Alternatives to Corporal Punishment

issue 4230 | 07.26.06 | Statshot
The Cast of VH1's "I Love The '80s"

issue 4230 | 07.28.06 | Sunday Magazine
July 17, 1963

issue 4230 | 07.27.06 | Onion In History

Sinatra Warns Russkies To Knock It Off more»
David Stern Defends New NBA Basketball Design

issue 4230 | 07.27.06 | Photo Finish

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