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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Leo: You may take pride in your job as a Trojan quality-control tester, but there will come a day when you'll leave it all behind to spend more time with your 37 children.

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Updates: Wednesday 8/09/06

American Voices

Ohio Candidate Calls It Quits

Old Woman
"The Bob Ney I know is a man of integrity. The Bob Ney I know is a man of honor. The Bob Ney I know is a doctor in Sarasota, Florida."


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8/09/06 9:55 AM

Onion Magazine

Top Vacation Spots For People Like You

8/11/06 12:13 PM

National News Highlights

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  • NEW YORK—Neglected doorman Frank Reynolds displayed his frustration with non-tipping tenants by opening the door for them less enthusiastically.
  • TAMPA PALMS, FL—Avid sports-memorabilia collector Michael Bowen was arrested Tuesday after attempting to raise the value of his Wade Boggs rookie card by killing Wade Boggs.
  • SACRAMENTO, CA—Breaking the previous world record by a full three minutes, it took only 27 seconds after setting up the Slip N¹ Slide for someone to be seriously injured.
8/15/06 7:23 AM

Stock Watch

BAT

This export-export company announced lower-than-expected earnings for the quarter because a slightly larger-than-average percentage of the July shipment was lost due to the normal effects of stomach acid on condoms.

8/09/06 7:45 AM

This Day In History

Nagasaki

Aug. 10, 1945

Nagasaki Bombed 'Just for the Hell of it'

8/10/06 5:40 AM
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