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September 13, 2006 - September 19, 2006 | Issue 42•37

Summer Intern Already Forgotten

BOSTON—University Of Maryland senior Dan Klein said Friday that his unpaid internship at Beacon Press Publishing was the "best experience of [his] life." He predicted that the long hours he spent filing, photocopying, and answering phones would eventually ensure him a position at the...

Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Eighty-seven percent of Americans are "ill-equipped" to deal with solar flares, giant comets, and an all-engulfing Armageddon... more»
More Deadbeat Granddads Failing To Make Birthday Payments

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | News

ATHENS, GA—With truant payments on the rise, millions of American grandchildren are being left seriously undergifted, officials say. more»
Hero Firefighter Loses Lifelong Battle With Fire

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | News

DES MOINES, IOWA—After years spent in and out of hospitals, warehouses, and office buildings consumed by fire, Lieutenant Anthony Castillo,... more»
Jimmy Buffett Pays For Own Drink For First Time In 17 Years

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | News In Brief

MIAMI BEACH, FL—Entertainment personality and novelty-song writer Jimmy Buffett sustained confusion Monday after being forced to hand... more»
Sweat-Stain-Dating Technology Unlocks Age Of Assistant Managers

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | News In Brief

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Business archaeologists from the Northern Illinois College Of Applied Business Sciences have developed a sodium-dating... more»
Ghostwriter Taking A Few Creative Liberties With Paul Reiser's Life

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—Challenged with the task of filling in details about Paul Reiser's life since the actor–comedian's work on the... more»
Quiet Guy Mistaken For Nice Guy

issue 4237 | 09.11.06 | News In Brief

MANCHESTER, NH—Though coworkers believe 29-year-old Kevin Bell is a kind, affable, and quiet employee, none of them are aware that he... more»
Bartender Developing A Remarkable Tolerance For Alcoholics

issue 4237 | 09.08.06 | News In Brief

MADISON, NJ—Chris Becker, bartender at the Silver Nickel tavern, said he was growing increasingly worried about his growing tolerance... more»
Spinning Bow Tie Costs Rick Moranis Celebrity Poker Tournament

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | Sports News

LAS VEGAS—Comedian Rick Moranis offered apologies but not excuses Monday, saying his last-place finish in last weekend's Aces Go All-In For... more»
2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

issue 4237 | 09.19.06 | American Voices

A second autopsy will be performed on Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son who died at her bedside while she was hospitalized in the Bahamas. What... more»
Horse Meat Banned

issue 4237 | 09.18.06 | American Voices

Congress has banned the slaughter of horses for meat, calling the process "barbaric." What do you think? more»
Care For 9/11 Illness

issue 4237 | 09.15.06 | American Voices

People who worked or lived near Ground Zero are demanding health-care for illnesses related to the poor air quality after the attacks. What do... more»
Work Up, Pay Down

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | American Voices

Over the last decade, American work productivity has increased 33%, while wages have only increased 11%. What do you think? more»
Sexy Lyrics, Sexual Teens

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | American Voices

A new study found that teenagers who listen to sexually explicit lyrics are more likely to engage in sexual activity at an early age. What... more»
Area Showoff Sets Sights On Hula-Hoop

issue 4237 | 09.19.06 | Radio
Child Of Polygamists Receives Fourth Sex Talk

issue 4237 | 09.18.06 | Radio
Report: Poor People Pretty Much Screwed

issue 4237 | 09.17.06 | Radio
Chicago Out Of Names For Subdivisions

issue 4237 | 09.16.06 | Radio
Raging Alcoholic Will Get Liver Stapled

issue 4237 | 09.15.06 | Radio
Homeless To Phase Out Dimes By 2011

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | Radio
Republicans Could Lose Control Of Majority Bathroom Privileges

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Radio
Meredith Vieira’s Today Show Debut Marked By Uncomfortable Hour-Long Silence

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | News In Photos
Picture Of Lemur Printed For No Goddamned Reason

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | News In Photos
White-Collar Prison Is A Great Networking Opportunity

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Commentary

This is turning into the best six to 10 years of my life. Serving a mandatory sentence at a federal prison is exactly the shot in the arm my... more»
I Have A Thing For Asia

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Commentary

Man, if I had to name one continent that really just does it for me, there's no question which one I'd pick: Asia. It just drives me wild. I... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Horoscopes
New Anti-Terrorism Strategy

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Infographic

The White House recently released an updated version of its anti-terrorism strategy, "National Strategy For Combating Terrorism." Here are... more»
Where Does It Hurt?

issue 4237 | 09.13.06 | Statshot
America's 50 Poorest People

issue 4237 | 09.15.06 | Jobs
Sept. 12, 1972

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | Onion In History

Puke Orange, Pea Green, Mustard Yellow Adopted as New National Colors more»
Charlie Sheen Wants To Finish Career As A Cleveland Indian

issue 4237 | 09.14.06 | Jobs
Andre Agassi: 'I Can No Longer Walk'

issue 4237 | 09.12.06 | Photo Finish

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