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October 11, 2006 - October 17, 2006 | Issue 42•41

Retired S1Ws Recalled To Active Duty

STRONG ISLAND, NY—With recruitment down sharply, and the prospect of being held back by the nation of millions appearing once again likely, top-ranking Public Enemy officials issued an order Monday for all retired Security Of The First World...

Bush Urges Expanded Drilling Of Alaskan Wildlife

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—The president reminded Congress Tuesday of the estimated 9.3 billion barrels of drillable bear, elk, and musk ox "right here on... more»
Bin Laden's Mother Worried Sick

issue 4241 | 10.10.06 | News

JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA—"He could be in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't even know it," said the mother of the wanted international terrorist. more»
Proud Cystic-Fibrosis Foundation Doesn't Need Your Charity

issue 4241 | 10.09.06 | News

AITKIN, MN—A Dream To Breathe Foundation reasserted its status as a "non-profit organization" and expressed embarrassment at unnecessary... more»
Military Recruiter Upset Area Man Hasn't Called Him Back

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | News In Brief

EAST ST. LOUIS, MO—Army Staff Sergeant Declan Morris announced that he has "no idea what to think" concerning potential recruit Justin... more»
U.S. Cryptographers: 'FrpX-K5jE-Oc4n-e5Dn'

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a carefully phrased, 128-bit encoded announcement that has challenged U.S. security agency procedures, top officials... more»
Couple Doesn't Deserve Deck

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | News In Brief

LUBBOCK, TX—A coalition of residents at the Winding Brook subdivision announced Monday that neighbors Stanley and Janet Mann do not deserve... more»
Magazine Editor Undergoes Sleek New Redesign

issue 4241 | 10.10.06 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Melissa Williams, editor-in-chief of Urbis magazine, launched a long-anticipated redesign of herself Friday. "I made a... more»
Area Man Finally Finds Bodymate

issue 4241 | 10.09.06 | News In Brief

LARAMIE, WY—Longtime bachelor Nick Oakley has finally found the one woman whose body he has been looking for all his life, Oakley,... more»
World's Youngest Person Born

issue 4241 | 10.06.06 | News In Brief

DELHI, INDIA—Harinakshi Himati, an 18-inch, 10-pound baby born less than one minute ago to Delhi taxi driver Ganaresh Himati and his... more»
George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | Sports News

NEW YORK—Immediately following the Yankees' first-round playoff elimination last Saturday, George Steinbrenner released a statement... more»
U.S. Hits 300 Million People

issue 4241 | 10.17.06 | American Voices

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the U.S. population reached 300 million today at 7:46 am. What do you think? more»
CBGB's Closes Down

issue 4241 | 10.16.06 | American Voices

After 33 years hosting punk shows, legendary club CBGB's closed its doors on Sunday. What do you think? more»
Yankee Crashes Plane In NYC

issue 4241 | 10.13.06 | American Voices

A small plane piloted by New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle hit a Manhattan high-rise apartment building Wednesday. What do you think? more»
Google Buys YouTube

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | American Voices

Google announced Tuesday that it bought YouTube for $1.65 billion. What do you think? more»
Ground-Beef Recall

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | American Voices

More than 5000 pounds of Iowan ground beef was recalled due to suspicions of an E. coli contamination. What to you think? more»
Pope Benedict XVI Haunted By 15 Previous Benedicts

issue 4241 | 10.17.06 | Radio
Cult Leader Wants To Lead Normal People To Their Deaths

issue 4241 | 10.16.06 | Radio
SeaWorld Whales Demand 10 Percent Chum Increase

issue 4241 | 10.15.06 | Radio
Wal-Mart Discontinues Lady Things

issue 4241 | 10.14.06 | Radio
Interrogators Can't Break Deaf, Insomniac, Dog-Loving Terrorist

issue 4241 | 10.13.06 | Radio
Earthquake-Insurance Provider Suspects Client Of Deliberately Shifting Earth's Tectonic Plates

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | Radio
Selfish Scientists Won't Share Findings

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - October 13, 2006

issue 4241 | 10.13.06 | Editorial Cartoon
Fed-Up Brookstone Body-Massage Chair Now Only Entertaining Serious Buyers

issue 4241 | 10.10.06 | News In Photos
Eva Longoria Tans Self Out Of Visible Spectrum

issue 4241 | 10.10.06 | News In Photos
Chasing Tornadoes Is All I Have

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Commentary

I chase tornadoes. That's what I do. I've tried to have a normal life—wife, kids—but it wasn't for me. Huddling in a... more»
Show Us The Slurry!

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Columnists

Item! Everybody knows that Tom Cruise and Katie Bosworth had their baby, Slurry. But how come no one has seen it... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Horoscopes
Republican Reaction To Foley Scandal

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Infographic

With their party rocked by the Rep. Mark Foley sexual-harassment scandal, Republicans are using the following strategies to overcome the... more»
Who's Our Emergency Contact?

issue 4241 | 10.11.06 | Statshot
Pretty Balloons

issue 4241 | 10.13.06 | Sunday Magazine
Oct. 10, 1991

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | Onion In History

Supreme Court Nominee Clarence Thomas: 'The Ass-Slapping Was Never Done In An Inappropriate Manner' more»
Incoming North Korean Missile Intercepted By Deion Sanders

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | Photo Finish
Detroit Tigers Carry Jim Leyland To Bathroom

issue 4241 | 10.12.06 | Photo Finish

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