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N. Korea Detonates 40 Years Of GDP

North Korea PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—A press release issued by the state-run Korean Central News Agency Monday confirmed that the Oct. 9 underground nuclear test in North Korea's Yanggang province successfully exploded the communist nation's total gross domestic product for the past four...

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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Libra: After a month of worry, you'll be mistakenly relieved this week after hearing that all your medical tests came out positive.

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Updates: Wednesday 10/18/06

American Voices

Fake Degrees In Government

 Young Woman
"That was an enormous waste of money. These days, it's not exactly difficult to make your own college degree yourself."


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10/18/06 11:08 AM

Onion Magazine

onionmagazine archive 54c

10/20/06 12:45 PM

National News Highlights

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  • BOSTON, MA—DJ Krayzee, né Henry Lomax, was fired from his job as club DJ at the Hot Spot after scratching and then stopping the record during an awkward moment between club patrons, bringing an unnecessary amount of attention to the situation.
  • MOUNTAIN HOME, AR— Upon being packed away for slaughter, veal calf 837 expressed his sincerest gratitude and undying appreciation to rancher Bill Pordo for grass-feeding him all these months.
  • ALPHARETTA, GA—A truly freak railway accident resulted in vanilla beans.
10/24/06 7:28 AM

Stock Watch

The stock price of this medical-goods manufacturer jumped today as it announced a deal with the Department Of Defense to produce a new line of camouflaged prosthetics for front-line soldiers.

10/18/06 6:12 AM
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