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November 15, 2006 - November 21, 2006 | Issue 42•46

Third-Party Cola Demands Ad-Campaign-Finance Reform

COLUMBUS, GA—Claiming the American consumer is in crisis, third-party soft drink Royal Crown Cola called for an end to two-brand dominance, demanding an equal playing field for all and urging sweeping restrictions on the amount Coke and Pepsi are allowed to spend on advertisements....

Report: More U.S. Soldiers Suffering From Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | News

NORFOLK, VA—"War is going to be hell," said Pre-TSD sufferer Henry Gerard, looking ahead to the possible death of a potential... more»
'C-List Celebrity Killer' Leaves Police Enthusiastically Guessing Who's Next

issue 4246 | 11.14.06 | News

LOS ANGELES—Investigators are currently scouring the Dawson's Creek complete-series DVDs and Scrubs reruns to predict the next... more»
Laid-Off Ford Employee Decides To Start Own Car Company

issue 4246 | 11.13.06 | News

HAPEVILLE, GA—The Thaney Motor Company, based in the former door-fitter's garage, already has a pre-order list of friends and relatives. more»
DHS: Individual Al-Qaeda Operative Assigned To Each American Family

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—The Department Of Homeland Security claimed to have "reliable information" Monday that al-Qaeda is proceeding with a plan... more»
Guy 'Just Giving You A Hard Time' Truly Despises You

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | News In Brief

RED BANK, NJ—Several coworkers have confirmed that colleague Eric Grasso's daily ribbing stems from a deep-seated hatred of you and... more»
New Ed McMahon Autobiography Reveals He Slept With 7 Women

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, the just-published Ed McMahon autobiography,... more»
Personal Assistant Called After Scary Dream

issue 4246 | 11.14.06 | News In Brief

SEATTLE—The urgent 2 a.m. phone call placed by architect Clark Bennett to personal assistant Marcus Peck was prompted by an unusually... more»
English Teacher On First Date In Ages Lets Dangling Modifier Slide

issue 4246 | 11.13.06 | News In Brief

FALLS CHURCH, VA—Recalling that it was her first date since September 2005, high-school English teacher Melanie Fitzgerald thought it... more»
Evangelical Haggard Claims He Was Molested By Republican Congressman

issue 4246 | 11.10.06 | News In Brief

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Evangelical leader Ted Haggard, who stepped down last week after confessing that he purchased methamphetamines... more»
Tampa Bay Buccaneers Take Chance On Long-Lost Fourth Manning Brother

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | Sports News

TAMPA BAY, FL—Still reeling from the loss of quarterback Chris Simms and desperate to shore up the second-worst offense in the NFL, the 2-7... more»
O.J. Confession Book Cancelled

issue 4246 | 11.21.06 | American Voices

After stirring up a cloud of controversy, Fox and ReganBooks parent company News Corp cancelled both publication of the O.J. Simpson book If I... more»
Male Birth-Control Pill

issue 4246 | 11.20.06 | American Voices

Scientists are reportedly close to perfecting a birth-control pill for men that will stop the development of sperm. What do you think? more»
Web Hits 100 Million Sites

issue 4246 | 11.17.06 | American Voices

According to Internet-monitoring company Netcraft, there are now 100 million websites with unique domain names. What do you think? more»
Two Kinds Of Humans

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | American Voices

British evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry claims that the human race may split into two sub-species in the next 100,000 years. What do you... more»
Cell-Phone Infertility

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | American Voices

A study presented at the American Society For Reproductive Medicine conference indicated that men who used cell phones frequently have a lower... more»
Clean-Shaven Man Ready To Win Back Girlfriend

issue 4246 | 11.20.06 | Radio
Stouffer's Discontinues Toaster Steaks

issue 4246 | 11.19.06 | Radio
Work Begins On Clinton Presidential DVD Library

issue 4246 | 11.18.06 | Radio
Digger's Hotline Counselor Convinces Caller To Put Down Shovel

issue 4246 | 11.17.06 | Radio
Radio Station Begs Listeners To Come Down And See Guy In Tomato Costume

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | Radio
Wet-T-Shirt Contest Runner-Up Consoled

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - November 15, 2006

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Editorial Cartoon
Cheney Orders Motorcade To Gun It Over Half-Open Drawbridge

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | News In Photos
Yin Making Inroads On Yang

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | News In Photos
I Don't Make My Jukebox Selections For The Recognition

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Commentary

It's no secret that when it comes to rocking the jukebox, I'm the best. I've essentially revolutionized the practice by stringing together... more»
I'll Give Birth Anywhere

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Commentary

Pregnant women today make me sick. With all their whining about maternity leave and pregnancy accommodations, it's no wonder women aren't... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Horoscopes
Reasons For Britney Spears' Divorce

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Infographic

Last week, Britney Spears announced plans to divorce husband Kevin Federline. Here are the reasons the couple decided to split: more»
Why Didn't We Vote?

issue 4246 | 11.15.06 | Statshot
United States Congress

issue 4246 | 11.21.06 | Slideshow
Presidential Appointments

issue 4246 | 11.14.06 | Slideshow
"I Just Learned What The Holocaust Was, And Boy Do I Feel Silly"

issue 4246 | 11.17.06 | Sunday Magazine
Nov. 18, 1920

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | Onion In History

Fixed World Series Heralds First-Ever Moment of Excitement In Baseball more»
Michael Jordan Clearly Wearing Game-Ready Uniform Under Business Suit

issue 4246 | 11.16.06 | Photo Finish

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s