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November 28, 2006 - December 4, 2006 | Issue 42•48

Chicago Rolls Out Cold-Weather Prostitutes

CHICAGO—From the barren tree branches to the colorful Christmas decorations, the signs of another Windy City winter are everywhere you look. And with the chilly air and fresh snow comes the sight of local residents replacing their regular three-season hookers with prostitutes better...

Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News

TOPEKA, KS—Any living being that undergoes genetic modification favoring survival could face jail time under the new law. more»
Boyfriend Ready To Take Relationship To Previous Level

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News

COLUMBIA, SC—"I can tell by the look in her eyes—that loving, longing gaze—that I must act now before I miss my chance,"... more»
Troop Morale Boosted By Surprise Visit From First Dog

issue 4248 | 11.27.06 | News

BAGHDAD—The six-year-old White House pet was visibly interested in what was going on on the ground during his visit to Iraq. more»
Visiting Parents Do Their Best To Praise Son's New Apartment

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | News In Brief

BROOKLYN, NY—Parents of 23-year-old Jack Gambel attempted to put a positive spin on their son's new Brooklyn apartment Monday, referring... more»
Area Man Never Leaves House Without Putting On Lucky Everything

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News In Brief

BOISE, ID—Area resident Tom Watson, 32, told coworkers yesterday that he never leaves his house without putting on his lucky hat,... more»
Focus Groups Hated It Right Up Until Guy's Head Got Cut Off

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—A focus group of 150 people who saw this one movie, Fox Searchlight's modern adaptation of some Charles Dickens classic,... more»
Local News Anchor Mistakenly Reveals Salary During Broadcast

issue 4248 | 11.27.06 | News In Brief

PITTSBURGH—Veteran anchorman Don Cannon accidentally revealed his annual salary on-air Wednesday following a KDKA-TV News At 6... more»
Pierce Brosnan Offended By Way New James Bond Holds Gun

issue 4248 | 11.24.06 | News In Brief

HOLLYWOOD—According to a source close to Pierce Brosnan, the former James Bond actor felt affronted by the performance of Daniel Craig... more»
Bill Walton Spends Entire Lakers Broadcast Gushing About His Son

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | Sports News

LOS ANGELES—Bill Walton, the former NBA Most Valuable Player and popular current NBA broadcaster, spent the entire running time of Tuesday... more»
Taxing Virtual Assets

issue 4248 | 12.05.06 | American Voices

A panel of scholars and government officials recently said that taxation of assets from online games such as World of Warcraft is inevitable. What... more»
No iPods To Kim Jong Il

issue 4248 | 12.04.06 | American Voices

The White House has imposed a ban on the sale of iPods to North Korea. What do you think? more»
D.O.J. Investigates Self

issue 4248 | 12.01.06 | American Voices

The Justice Department is opening a probe to investigate its own use of wiretapping and warrantless surveillance. What do you think? more»
Bush In Jordan

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | American Voices

President Bush is winding down a diplomatic tour with a visit to Jordan to meet with King Abdullah II and Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. What... more»
Iraq Now Longer Than WWII

issue 4248 | 11.29.06 | American Voices

The war in Iraq has now lasted longer than the U.S.'s involvement in World War II. What do you think? more»
Well-Aimed Bunker-Buster Prevents Doomed Afghanistan Marriage

issue 4248 | 12.05.06 | Radio
Legendary Duck Survives Another Hunting Season

issue 4248 | 12.04.06 | Radio
Affable Anti-Semite Thinks Jews Are Doing Super Job With The Media

issue 4248 | 12.03.06 | Radio
New Low-Calorie Sheep Bred To Combat Wolf Obesity

issue 4248 | 12.02.06 | Radio
U.S. Struggling To Raise, Support Its 58.3 Million Kids

issue 4248 | 12.01.06 | Radio
Dumpster Diver Dies Of The Garbage Bends

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | Radio
President Bush Spills Coffee On Computer That Has All Of The Government's Files On It

issue 4248 | 11.29.06 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - November 28, 2006

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Editorial Cartoon
That Chinese Girl In Office: 'I Am Not Chinese'

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News In Photos
Wax-Museum Fire Results In Hundreds Of New Danny DeVito Statues

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | News In Photos
I Am The Product Of A Single-Nanny Household

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Commentary

One wouldn't know it just to look at me or my vast estate, but I did not have the easy, carefree life of a typical American child. I... more»
Not One Of Those People

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Columnists

Many people believe that being a notable public figure puts you above reproach or suspicion. Not true, says your old pal Jean. How do I know... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Horoscopes
PlayStation 3 vs. Nintendo Wii

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Infographic

Last week marked the debut of both Sony’s and Nintendo’s next-generation consoles. Here’s how they stack up: more»
Top Corporate Holiday Gifts

issue 4248 | 11.28.06 | Statshot
Airline Industry

issue 4248 | 12.05.06 | Slideshow
20 Terrorists Under 20

issue 4248 | 12.01.06 | Sunday Magazine
Nov. 27, 1979

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | Onion In History

Sadat, Begin Celebrate Peace Treaty with All-Night Coke Orgy at Studio 54 more»
NFL Grants Michael Vick Permission To Flip Off Atlanta Fans, Press

issue 4248 | 11.30.06 | Photo Finish

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