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Rebels Immediately Regret Seizing Power In Zambia

Rebels Immediately R LUSAKA, ZAMBIA—Only hours after assuming control of the deeply troubled country in a bloody coup, members of the United Deliverance Front admitted Monday that they might have made a "huge mistake" by seizing power in Zambia.

"After months of combat, ...

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Astrology

This Week’s Horoscopes

Sagittarius: You'll be discovered this week by the director of the hit musical Stomp! during a drunken, borderline-psychotic outburst.

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Iraq War Recommendations

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Updates: Wednesday 12/06/06

American Voices

Bolton Steps Down

 Old Woman
"It's a shame. He had so many bridges yet to burn."


More American Voices

12/06/06 5:30 AM

Onion Magazine

"I'm Totally Broke"

12/08/06 10:15 AM

National News Highlights

Roll over locations for news

  • PHILADELPHIA, MS—Angry at constantly being outdone by the better-known Philadelphia located in Pennsylvania, local resident Max Jenkins put a huge crack in the bell at the town hall with a rented backhoe.
  • IRVINE, CA—Local house cat Tibbles woke up, arched his back, took five steps, fell asleep, woke up, shat in a box, brushed up against the television, fell asleep, woke up, killed a small thing, and fell asleep.
  • WHITERIVER, AZ—Local student Wendy Boelter answered Gill Styne's seemingly artless question about her weekend plans with a cagey "Not sure," falling right into his trap.
12/12/06 7:39 AM

Stock Watch

CLAB

Carlton Laboratories Inc. (CLAB) up $0.15: 9.72 (up 1.6%) Stock prices rose for CLI upon news of a $15,000 deal with celebrities Gary Coleman, Vanilla Ice, and Lou Ferrigno to participate in one of the company's clinical-drug trials.

12/06/06 7:16 AM
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