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This Week’s Horoscopes

Sagittarius: When carrying out a book-burning, first stoke the fire with smaller, lighter works from Austen and Waugh, before throwing on the heavier hardbacks of Tolstoy and Joyce.

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Updates: Wednesday 12/13/06

American Voices

Apocalypto Tops Box Office

Old Woman
"I'm not surprised. This movie has something for everyone: human sacrifice, tragic suffering, historical inaccuracies."


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12/13/06 10:23 AM

Onion Radio News

Area Hunter Only Does It For The Jerky

 

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12/13/06 9:13 AM

Onion Magazine

This Is Your Last Issue!

12/15/06 10:50 AM

Stock Watch

JENL

Stock prices are booming while analysts scramble to figure out how, after three straight quarters of underperformance, this beverage company is in the midst of record-breaking sales.

12/13/06 9:21 AM

This Day In History

Reagan Proclaims 'Late Afternoon In America,' Takes Nap

Dec. 29, 1987

Reagan Proclaims 'Late Afternoon In America,' Takes Nap

12/14/06 9:52 AM
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